Why charging for your services builds better client relationships

By Jaime Willis

Matt and I just returned from our final three-day coaching workshop. In just a few short weeks, we'll complete this journey and be certified coaches!

Each of these weekends is an amazing learning and growth experience for everyone there and this weekend was no exception.

In one of our many conversations, we began talking about someone's inner critic about charging clients for their coaching services. This gremlin shows up a lot, especially for women, and it isn't just about charging (or selling), it's about giving and saying no.

Giving your talents and skills away is a beautiful thing. When you offer to help someone else out -- you fix their computer, babysit their kids, drive carpool, cook a lovely meal, you feel great about yourself and you've really helped someone else out. Great, right?

In Guy Kawasaki's book Enchantment, he says that if you truly want to build a relationship with someone else, you have to give them the opportunity to pay you back. Think about this for a moment as the reciever. If someone keeps helping you out -- they've driven carpool for you once, then twice, then three times in the recent past and you haven't had a chance to "pay them back." How do you feel? Guilty? Reluctant to call them again? Sure, that's so understandable! You want to 'even up' the relationship before asking them for another favor, and if you aren't in a position to even up the relationship, it's really hard to stay in touch.

In energy levels, when you give something away, you operate out of Level 4 energy. Level four is a great, clean, constructive energy to be in. But what happens if you give and give and give? Slowly, you stop operating out of a Level 4 and you sink to a Level 2 or a Level 1, don't you? At first, you are happy to give, then you may feel angry (level 2) or taken advantage of (level 1).

image courtesy of lapiana.org

That's why Level 5 energy, the win-win energy, is higher than level 4. When you give from a Level 5 energy, it's a win for both parties. So both people feel great about the situation and both people enjoy the relationship. Giving at a level 5 doesn't mean that you can't ever volunteer again or someone should always pay you -- there are lots of ways to win-win. I remember going to volunteer at a nursing home in high school -- the residents there really enjoyed it when we came and sang for them. But it was really neat for us to sit down with the residents afterwords and hear some of the amazing stories about their lives. Win-win!

If you want to build a strong relationship with your friends, family, or clients, do it from a Win-win. When you charge for your services, you are allowing your client the gift of returning your favor. Stronger relationships are built when everyone wins.

The Process

-by Matt Leedham

Examining your life and/or career can be an emotional journey, often clouded by insecurities, fear, passion, and ego. What can be challenging to remember is that growth often comes from a process. It’s not good enough to just explore your thoughts, emotions, actions, goals, values, vision, etc. You need to walk through the process of advancement…of forward movement…to make lasting, sustainable change.

So, what is the process?

Well, it’s different for everyone. You may be asking yourself, “if the process is different for everyone, how can it be a process?” Great question!

Everyone is unique and requires a different formula for growth. The ingredients often remain the same, but the recipe is slightly different. As a coach, working with someone on personal or professional growth, we would start with these ingredients:

Be Aware: We will dig deep on your values, your vision, and your purpose. You will take an Energy Leadership Index assessment and explore who you are and where you want to go.

Be Balanced: We will examine how your roles in life are impacted by each other. We will then learn how to apply what we’ve uncovered from your values and vision to achieve more balance in your life.

Go Conquer: With a solid foundation in awareness and balance, we will build targeted action plans to conquer your vision and reach your full potential.

Then there are those that already have a huge goal or project they want to accomplish. Similarly, there is a process for advancement. Again, every process is different, but here are the ingredients:

Sparking: This is the passion you bring to your life, your goals, or a project. Creating and using fire is what separates us from all other sentient beings, and passion, or "spark," is what separates achievers from non-achievers. In a group context, spark is also creating buy-in, so everyone is passionate about the goal/project.

Revving: Once you have a flame going, you have to keep fanning the flame to increase your energy around the spark. Revving your engines is part of the Energy Leadership Index. You need to maximize your perspective and attitude to opportunities and challenges.

Orbiting: Orbiting is building the track for your goal. If you are not in orbit, you will have difficulty reaching your goal. Orbits (aka, values) keep you focused. Also, orbits have a strong gravitational pull, conserving your power. The more you are out of orbit, the more power you will burn to get to your goal, and the harder success will be.

Forecasting: See the future. Plan with the end in sight. Your forecast (aka, vision) should be as specific as possible, involve all your senses, and be reviewed daily.

Atomic Planning: Atomic Planning has two components. First, you will identify the big, audacious goal. Atomic energy is the most powerful energy in our universe, so GO BIG! Second, you will plan the smallest possible steps. Atomic planning means that you have a huge goal with lots of tiny steps. The more steps, the easier it is to rack up wins. The more wins you rack up, the more likely you are to continue.

Viral Solving: Viruses adapt, adapt, adapt. When you take on a challenge like a virus, you know that there are millions of ways of overcoming the obstacle. Use your resources and networks, uncover assumptions and limited beliefs, and stay creative. A virus wins because a virus is always evolving to beat the odds.

Fireworking: When you've achieved your goal, you have to celebrate. Transition rituals are empowering (think bachelorette party, sweet 16, wedding) and provide closure (funerals, retirement parties, going away parties). When you take time to celebrate, you also rev your engines, providing the SPARK for the next big goal.

Following the process and using these steps as you encounter challenges and new opportunities will guide you down the right path for you. Each path is different, as is each process, but in the end, these ingredients yield success!

Flip the Switch

-by Matt Leedham

As Jaime mentioned yesterday, we just returned from a very intensive training and certification program in the Boston metro area and our heads are spinning. As we learn valuable skills for coaching others, we also benefit tremendously from personal development.

My awareness of blocks that can hold others back from reaching their full potential also brings with it an acute awareness of what’s holding me back. It’s unavoidable. During these training conferences, we become guinea pigs for other coaches as they develop their coaching skills. The only way to be a good “peer client” for a coach in training is to use real examples in your own life. So, by default, you are both being coached and coaching others for hours on end in an effort to master the trade.

Last night, on a peer coaching call, I was the client. In an effort to bring more purpose and meaning to this brief story, let me share with you the real issue we were addressing.

My Block:
I am beginning to question why the heck I am always trying to achieve more, do more, and impress “others.” I don’t even know who the “others” are – all I know is that I am seeking validation from “others” for someone else’s vision of what success should be. I also don’t know who “someone else” is either, nor do I even have a clear understanding of what “success” is. Huh? I know! Crazy, right?

Having discussed my new found awareness of long-standing issues holding me back from being my true self, my astute coach said, “It sounds like you just flipped the switch on in a dark room.”

That caught my attention! And my immediate response was, “Yeah, and the roaches scattered.” (sorry if you don’t like bugs)

Both of our points were dead on. By being more conscious, aware, present, and open, I am exposing my spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical blocks to the light. And when the light goes on in a dark room, the ugly things seem to run for their lives. Interesting…

But he wasn’t done. His next point was brilliant. He asked, “And what had to happen for the light to come on in the dark room?”

Unsure of myself, I responded, “I don’t know. I had to flip the switch, I guess.”

BINGO!

The choice is mine. I can take action…or not. I can flip the switch…or live in darkness. And frankly, there is no right answer. There is only choice. And it belongs to me.

Now, THAT’S empowering, my friends.

Three Month Check-in: Project Simplify with my Coach

-By Jaime Willis

"The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching. "

 -Dave Chappelle

As you may have read earlier, I am trying to simplify my life.  Specifically, I am trying to simplify the amount of junk that I've accumulated in my home so I am living in a clean and serene space.  If you've known me for any length of time in real life, you know that this goal is a HUGE challenge for me.  Which is why I've spent the last twelve weeks working on it with the help of my life coach, Lindsay, who has helped me set small goals and stay accountable to them.

Two weeks ago, we set a goal of getting another part of my apartment sorted through, but I failed spectacularly.  Not only did I not get that part of the apartment cleaned, the rest of my house went to hell in a handbasket as well.  It wasn't pretty and I wasn't looking forward to the check-in with Lindsay.  

As Lindsay and I spoke about what (didn't) happen, I realized something pretty profound about myself.  While I value cleanliness and simplicity, I don't at all value the time it takes to make that happen.  I've chosen to stay busy with two jobs, friends, & family, and chores are never going to hit the top of my 'to-do' list.  

How can I resolve valuing the end result of something that I have no energy to make happen?  Outsource it!  Lindsay and I realized that I was just setting myself up to fail every time I tried so hard to commit to some sort of massive cleaning schedule -- because I will never ultimately choose to spend my time that way.  I committed to researching what services in DC can help me both reduce my clutter and provide housekeeping services and report back in my next coaching session.  I also committed to doing three 1/2 hour "clean sweep" sessions before my next meeting with Lindsay. 

Remember what Matt and I have said time and again about talking about your goals?  Of course, over the next day or two, I was sharing my new research project with my mentee, Jessica, who was visiting DC for the week.  Guess who offered to help me sort and declutter?  Jessica was so pleased to be able to help me out as I have helped her over the years.  She came over the next day and in three hours, we were able to clean up the bathroom, kitchen, and living room, including rearranging the furniture, dusting & sweeping the floors!  

I couldn't wait to report my success to Lindsay at our next session -- with Jessica's help, I'd been able to accomplish so much more than I could have in my own 1.5 hours of work, making a huge dent in my project.  Lindsay and I are almost finished with our coaching sessions togethers, so we agreed to do our final session in August, which will give me time to finish de-cluttering my bedroom and hire a cleaning service before I report in again.  

What a gift to myself -- a permanent plan to keep my house clean in a way that honors my own values and time management.  If you are thinking, oh, that's so nice for you Jaime, but I can't afford a housekeeper, note that I am choosing to cancel my cable television service and use that savings to pay the cleaner.  I would rather my money go to allowing me to live in a serene environment every single day than the occasional entertainment I get from television shows, most of which I can watch online. 

Lessons I learned in my three months of coaching?

• Speak up!  Tell people what your goals are and you'll be so shocked at how often you'll get assistance to get them accomplished.
• Know Thyself!  A lot of my coaching sessions were really about figuring how why I valued a clean home and why, oddly, it wasn't happening.  My sessions would have gone completely differently, for example, if the only reason I wanted a clean apartment was to impress my friends or to finally live up to my mother's reputation (My mom is Martha Stewart's midwest doppleganger!)  By understanding the reasoning behind my values, I was able to come up with solutions that will continue to work for me -- something I've literally NEVER been able to do before.
• Baby Steps!  When you are tackling a big goal, especially one you've tried and failed a lot of times before, take it easy.  It may not seem to you that it should take three months of coaching to get a clean and decluttered home, but the slow, methodical way my coach and I have approached this goal has me comforted that my ultimate success will be PERMANENT.  That's totally worth it. 

I can't wait to check in with you guys in August (with pictures) and show you my new and improved, serene, apartment!  I hope this blog post has given you some insights on what coaching is like and how it can help you permanently change both your outlook and your success on some of those nagging goals you face in your life.  Feel free to email Matt or I for more questions or to schedule a free trial coaching session!

TGIF: Jaime Willis

TGIF:

This Goal Is Finished

Good morning achievers! Hope you've had a wonderful week!

If this is your first time on our website, welcome. Velocity is about helping you find and achieve your passion through personal goal setting. You can find out more about us by clicking on any of these links.

You can sign up for our weekly inspirational newsletter  by clicking the button to the right.

Don't wait! You can still sign up for our next Goal Setting Workshop TOMORROW June 4, 2011 in Washington, DC.  If you are inspired by what can happen with good coaching, email Matt or I about setting up a complimentary coaching session!

This week we're doing something a little different -- I (Jaime) am going to talk about one of my most recent accomplishments.

The Achiever

Jaime Willis and her first love, Starbucks.
Photo by Jeff of Drongo Photo. 

My name is Jaime Willis, and I am the cofounder of Velocity with my business partner, Matt Leedham.  In many ways, my life is analogous to Batman.  In my "Bruce Wayne" role, I lead a team of employees at DC Public Schools focused on federal grants compliance.  As "Batman," I help people find and live their passions through my work teaching, training, and coaching for Velocity.  Unlike Batman, however, I don't have a wonderful butler named Alfred to organize my life (and house), which brings me to my goal.  

The Goal

My ultimate goal is to simplify my life.  

The first mini-goal of this meta-goal was to eliminate 90% of my book collection. 

Why This Goal?

I have accumulated a lot of stuff over the years.  A lot of it is stuff that I find a lot of value in, like my book collection, so I am really reluctant to get rid of it.  However, my life is busy and it's getting busier.  If I didn't have so much "stuff," I would be spending much less of my precious free time doing the byproduct of having a lot of stuff -- dreaded housework!

Before I started this mission to simplify my life, for example, I had collected over 3,000 books.  If you are curious what that looks like, imagine a stack of books three feet wide.  My book collection would be stacked 21 feet high -- over two stories of books!  That's a lot of dusting, and I really hate dusting.  I am also really allergic to dust.  A bad combo all the way around.

The First Step

My inclination when I first got the idea to downsize my book collection was to start sorting and pack my books up.  When I was walking through this goal with my personal coach, though, I realized that the better first step was coming up with a plan.  If I just sorted and packed up books, I would end up with an even bigger mess in my apartment -- stacks of ugly boxes likely to stay there indefinitely while I "figured out" how and where to donate or sell my books.

This is a picture of the current book collection at Woodson.
Look at all of the shelves that are completely empty!

My first step then, was to answer those questions -- where would my books go, how would they get there, and by when?  Luckily, I had a great resource right at my work -- Pat Brown, the DCPS Director of Media Services.  She told me that although H.D. Woodson Senior High School is moving into a brand new building next school year, they have less than 1,500 books to shelve in the new digs.  And even those books may not be worth keeping as they are out of date -- twenty or more years old.

If I donated my books there, I'd over double their entire collection!  That was pretty motivating!

Challenges

I had three main challenges with this goal -- finding the time, choosing which of my beloved books were leaving me forever, and handling the logistics of donating what was ultimately 18 boxes and 700 pounds of books.

To keep myself accountable, I called the school librarian and scheduled a day that I would deliver my donation.  That way, I would feel more positive pressure to stay on track with getting the books ready for donation.

When I was sorting through my books, there were lots of times I really didn't want to donate the books.  Two thoughts really helped me get past that -- knowing that if I didn't donate the book I loved, other kids wouldn't have the chance to read that story and knowing that I could always re-buy or even go visit my books if I ever wanted to!

A picture of all the books loaded into the minivan.

The logistics were initially easy, but became more difficult over time.  I rented a minivan to drop the books off and went to Home Depot and bought a bunch of packing boxes and tape.  The problem came when it was time to load the books -- the first set of boxes I bought were too big, resulting in boxes too heavy for me to lift, much less carry out to the car!  I went back to Home Depot, bought smaller boxes, repacked the books and was able to get everything loaded.

Staying Motivated

Because I kept to my initial timeline of having this project completed within a month, I didn't have any problems staying motivated to complete the task.

Who Helped?

My personal coach, Lindsay Alexander, was a huge help on this project.  She helped me better define and develop this goal, made sure that I was keeping to my timeline, and provided me with lots of positive feedback and praise that kept me really wanting to finish.

Pat Brown, Woodson's librarian Kim Wright, and many of the students and staff at Woodson were all helpful.  Pat was instrumental in giving me the tip that Woodson could use the books.  Kim helped me organize the donation and let me know which books would be more useful for donation.  Finally, Woodson staff and students all helped unload the 700 pounds of books I had lugged to their school last week.

TGIF – Celebrate!

Once I dropped off my donation, I called up my mom.  She knows how big of a bibliophile I am, and was initially shocked to hear I was willing to donate that much of my collection.  It was nice to have her congratulate me on my big first step in 'simplifying my life.'  I am also excited to visit the school next year and see my donation in action.

Advice

With the popularity of cleaning shows like Clean Sweep (love Peter Walsh!), Clean House (Niecy Nash hosted this!) , and Hoarders, it is clear that accumulating stuff is a growing (literally) problem in the United States.  I am not immune to the desire to own "stuff."

I think the best advice I can give someone, especially someone who, like me, has tried and failed to "organize" or "de-clutter" for years, is to HAVE A PLAN before you even pick up one single thing.  For me, knowing exactly where my stuff was going, how it was getting there, and by when, was HUGE in terms of accountability.  (I still have a bag of clothes set aside to donate to good will from a closet clean out last year, so the power of plan is very real to me).

Second, I have to say, was having my coach as a resource.  Lindsay made sure that my plan was realistic. Initially, I wanted to have everything done over one week, which is completely unrealistic, given my schedule & commitments.  If I had set that as my goal, I would have missed my deadline and considered the project a failure.  By having a coach, I was able to set a realistic goal and she helped keep me on track to my ultimate success!

What’s Next?

Ultimately, I am planning on living in a very 'zen' apartment that is not filled with stuff, but just the things I need to live comfortably.  Lindsay and I will be working on putting my next mini-goal together, which I think will be tackling the mountains of clothing I own.  :) I am really excited to making strides on living in a way that honors my time and values.  If I can't have Alfred, I'll make sure I have a home that I don't need an Alfred to clean up!

Weekly Wednesday Inspiration #13

-by Jaime Willis

Good Morning Achievers!

If your answer is resource related (money, time, education, credentials), start thinking like MacGyver! How can you do what you want to do with less/different/no resources?

If your answer is internal (motivation, fear of failure, lazy), starting working on you! How can you break out of a mindset that isn't working and build a mindset that wants you to succeed?

If you are having trouble coming up with an answer or a plan, contact us for a free personal coaching session. We'd love to jumpstart your path to fulfillment!