First, I need ...

-By Jaime Willis

"You can't always get what you want,

But if you try sometimes you just might find

You get what you need."

-Rolling Stones

This is the second of three blog posts today in honor of Triathlon Training Blitz Week!

Today, we are talking about the excuses that people use to avoid taking action on a goal. One excuse we hear a lot is that people don't have the right "stuff" to really start tackling the goal. The "stuff" can be anything, including: not enough money, too out of shape, don't have the right equipment, don't have the right education, etc.

The really awesome thing about goals is that there are so many ways of getting them accomplished. Your lack of "stuff" is likely just a lack of imagination.

As you think about the resources or "stuff" you need for your goal, ask yourself a few questions.

Do you really need that particular "stuff" at all?

Say you want to own your own business giving dance lessons to kids. You may think, "I need to buy a building before I can start my business." But do you? Couldn't you rent a building? Even better, couldn't you rent a room for an hour or a day - the amount of time you need to run your class(es)? Best of all - couldn't you use your networks to find a FREE space to provide dance lessons -- a church basement, a school cafeteria, a friend's building?

Money is usually a big obstacle that isn't nearly as necessary as people think. Think about the budget for the business above. In the original, this person may have needed over $100,000 to put down in order to buy a commercial property. Renting a space on a year-long lease may have meant a $20,000 annual commitment. Renting space on an hourly or as-needed basis may have meant a $5,000 - $10,000 annual commitment. Using free space while she builds up clientele - $0 dollars and instantly, her business is net positive!

If there is a resource you do need, how flexible can you be about it?

In the triathlon example, there is no getting around the fact that you need a bike. One-third of the race is on a bike, and it would be a little odd if you showed up without one. But you don't need the BEST BIKE EVER. You just need something serviceable. Do your research - does a friend have a bike languishing in their basement they can lend you for a few months? Is there a garage sale or swap meet nearby? Can you find something in your price range on Craigslist?

Left: Kestral Airfoil Triathlon Bike: $4,995 MSRV, Right: Schwinn Varsity Road Bike, $199 New, $75 Used

Do you have to have a $5,000 bicycle to complete a triathlon? Absolutely not! I'll be finishing my race with a 30 year old, $75 used bike. Ask yourself, as I do almost every day, What Would MacGyver Do?

Is there another way to think about the goal itself?

Back when I was first losing weight, I thought the ultimate "physical challenge" would be to run a marathon. If I was going to prove to myself that I was fit, not fat, I needed to run a marathon. So, I started training. I ran and ran and ran some more. When I got up to 10 and 11 mile runs, though, my hips and knees mutinied on me. I went to an orthopedic surgeon, who advised me that if I enjoyed ambulating on my own two feet, I should find another sport. From all the years I abused my joints carrying huge amounts of excess weight, my hips and knees were pretty permanently opposed to long-distance runs.

Now, I could have spent a lot of time and money on rehab and surgery and physical therapy and running clinics and figured out how to run a marathon. But when I searched my heart about WHY I chose that goal, I found that it wasn't really the marathon itself that meant anything to me - it was doing something BIG. And AUDACIOUS. and PHYSICALLY CHALLENGING. With that in mind, I embarked on a mission to do lots of shorter-distance runs. To help lessen the impact on my joints, I've written the rules of my challenge to include lower-impact cardio equipment, like the elliptical machines or the cross trainer. When I finish running 50 10ks, I'll have run the equivalent of almost TWELVE marathons. I'm betting I'll feel just as accomplished (or even more so) as I would had I pushed myself and my body to complete the marathon.

Think about your "ideal" resources to accomplish your goal. Now spend some time brainstorming - asking yourself the questions above and see if you aren't a lot closer to being able to complete that goal than you think!

Building Your Network

- by Jaime Willis

"Anything that is worth having is worth asking for." - Melba Colgrove

Last December, I decided that one of my goals for 2010 was to lose weight. My goal was SMART - lose 60 pounds by my birthday in August. My goal was aligned with my core values and personal vision. Having lost (and gained) lots of weight over the years, I have a pretty good scientific understanding of what it would take for me to lose the weight (move more, eat less, eat better).

But, I knew I would need accountability to stick with my goal and I wanted a coach to help me learn more about strength training and toning, something I didn't know a lot about. This is the point where a lot of people derail in their goal-getting. They have strong goals, they even have a good idea of what it will take to accomplish it, but they don't properly activate their network.

How can you activate your own network to help you reach your goals?

Tell people your goal.

Really, it is that simple. Tell people what you are trying to accomplish. Tell lots of people. In my case, I started in December, before I had even started my weight loss goal, that I was going to be "frolicking" in 2010. (I say frolic, not diet, because I know that successful weight loss isn't a temporary state of mind, but a "Food Related Lifestyle Choice" - FRLC, pronounced frolic.) I told my co-workers. I told my friends. I told my family. I told people who I knew would be supportive of my goal and would help keep me accountable to starting (and finishing) my goal.

Ask for specific help.

I knew I wanted to get serious about exercise and I chose to use a personal trainer. I set aside some of my income to pay for a trainer ahead of time, I researched online about what sort of things I wanted out of a trainer, and then I asked my network to tell me about their experiences with personal trainers.

Plenty of people have varied and conflicting advice about losing weight. By asking my network for specific advice, I was able to get the exact kind of help I needed to achieve my goal. A friend and co-worker recommended a trainer she knew. I met with the trainer, and he has been working with me ever since. And, I even got a discounted rate because I was referred by a friend!

Asking for specific help ensures a better response. A friend of mine recently asked her entire facebook audience if they wanted to buy her Chicago condo. While it is unlikely that there was a condo-buyer in the audience, I bet there were a lot of people who could have helped in other ways. (Find a successful Chicago real-estate agent. Find someone who can offer advice about staging homes. Find someone who knows how to market the property best. Find someone who knows about becoming a landlord and renting out the condo until the housing market improves). If you aren't getting the result you'd hoped for, try asking a slightly different question.

Don't be afraid to seek assistance.

Here's the thing about networks -- a great network is a diverse network. It's pretty likely that most of your closest friends are similar to you -- they went to similar schools, had similar upbringings, do similar jobs, etc. You want to reach beyond the comfort of your immediate circle and to people who know people you wouldn't otherwise have access to. This is why I made sure to tell my coworkers about my weight loss goal. My office is fairly big, and we are pretty diverse in age, geography, educational experiences, etc. If I had just told my friends about my goal, I would not have the trainer I use today. I had to reach out to a diverse group of people to get my desired result.

Matt and I have been asking some big name folks to do interviews for our TGIF interview series on Fridays. At first, I was a bit scared to ask people way WAY outside of my network to do an interview. But we've had great responses from everyone we've asked so far! These responses have allowed me to feel more comfortable asking others to contribute. (If you want to do an TGIF interview, email me!)

Just do it!

I cannot stress enough how important it is to reach out to others when trying to achieve a goal. You will be flabbergasted at how "lucky" you are when you do so. Whenever I ask, people seem to have just the right connection I need to make, even when it seems like the people I told would have no experience or expertise in the area I am seeking help.

For example, when Matt recently threw down the goal gauntlet and decided to begin learning Korean, he had no idea that I have free access to Rosetta Stone that he can use to aid him in his goal. Another friend of mine began teaching a college course on communications and did not know that I had recently written a chapter of a curriculum on non-verbal communication that I was able to share with him.

The New Year is just a few days away--start networking now!

A Big New Goal

- by Matt Leedham

Last night my brother and I were driving to Yechon in Annandale to have dinner with my wife’s cousins, who have quickly adopted me as one of their own (shout out to the Chungs, the Kimms, the Paes and Mr. Park!). My brother looked at me and said, “so, have you ever thought about learning Korean?”

I really wished he hadn’t asked that. The truth is, yes I have thought about it. And yes, it’s on my 101 list (similar to a bucket list but without the morbid reference). Until that moment, I had successfully tucked the goal of learning Korean deep down into oblivion. I want to learn Korean, but the thought of what it would take to do so makes me quickly focus on other goals in my life.

But it’s time to walk the walk on this one. I can’t honestly write, coach, and teach about achieving difficult goals if I’m not going to get out there and practice what I preach. In fact, just two days ago, I wrote about The Biggest Loser and how the successful competitors are able to shift the context to something bigger than themselves. They are able to focus on “the why” of the goal – the real reason you are committed to something.

So here we go…

(A Big New Goal)

The Goal: Be conversational in Korean by October 1, 2011. Conversational = Ability to greet, chit chat, order food, and ask/understand/answer basic questions.

The Why: 1) It would mean a great deal to me and my wife if I were able to converse more freely with her parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. 2) It would mean a great deal to me and my wife to be able to raise our future children in a bi-lingual household. 3) Learning Korean would allow me to achieve something I have doubted I could achieve for many years. 4) We are planning a 3-week trip to Korea with my in-laws in October 2011, which would be a great capstone to a year of learning the language.

Material Obstacles: 1) Time. Let’s be honest – I’m going to need a lot of it. But just like anything else, you make time for what’s important. 2) Money. Language software, text books, and courses are not cheap.

Emotional Obstacles: “I’m not good at learning languages.” I studied Spanish for years in high school and college, and am okay on vocabulary and basic conversational stuff, but never really picked up proper grammar (which is very similar to English, so I’m not sure what that says about me…). Negative self-talk will not help, but I’m going to need some cheerleaders in my corner to make it through this.

Resources: My resources seem endless on support – I’ve got at least 10 family members that will help me along. I’ve got a wife that will happily talk to me in Korean as much as I want (and endlessly watch Korean movies and dramas with me should that be helpful). However, resources in language instruction seem limited. I do have an old text book that was given to me by an owner of a language center in DC. I’ll have to reach out to my network on this.

Network: My network is fairly extensive, but not among language instructors. From what I can gather from 6 years of knowing my father-in-law, the Korean community stays well connected. Whatever I ask of him (e.g. a handyman, a mechanic, a doctor, a hot air balloon driver in Alaska), he always seems to “have a guy.” He always knows someone with that specific expertise. So, perhaps I just need to reach out.

That’s it. I’m doing it. I’ve said it.

Can you help me?

The Thing About Luck

- by Matt Leedham

So…the thing about luck is…

There is no luck.

Sorry. But luck has nothing to do with success. I’ll admit there’s a little luck involved with winning the lottery, but that’s about it.

I’ve been saying this for years, especially after an old mentor of mine told me that there is no such thing as luck. In fact, I remember him saying that it’s almost insulting when someone says you’re lucky for the position you are in or the opportunities you have. He was right.

Luck = being prepared for opportunity.

Some people walk around with their eyes open. Some people walk around every corner of their lives looking for opportunity with their eyes wide open. Just like in relationships, when your receptors are open, opportunities present themselves. And when you are ready for them, things happen.

Guess what. This isn’t just my brilliant theory. Professor Richard Wiseman is at it again! Check out the psychology of luck, where Prof. Wiseman’s study concludes that “lucky” people tend to employ these four principles:

1. Maximize Chance Opportunities (expand your network and listen more)
2. Listen to Your Gut (hunches are creativity and opportunity speaking to you)
3. Expect Good Fortune (haven’t we mentioned the power of positivity before?)
4. Turn Bad Luck to Good (again, stay positive and keep bad moments in the moment)

So, please don't use luck as an excuse. Other people aren't luckier than you, and you don't have "bad luck." Good things happen and bad things happen. What we do with it is entirely up to us.

Stay open. Stay positive. Expect good things. Put yourself out there. Talk to people. Share. Receive.

Make things happen.