Getting Through It

-By Jaime Willis

When you start to feel . . . do. For example – when you start to feel scared because you don’t have enough money….find someone to give a little money to. When you start to feel like you don’t have enough love. . . find someone to offer love. When you feel unappreciated, unacknowledged . . . appreciate and acknowledge someone in your life in a concrete way. When you feel unlucky, order yourself to consider a blessing or two. And then find a tangible way to make today somebody else’s lucky day. This strategy helps me sidestep wallowing every day. -Momastery.blogspot.com

Sometimes, life is just tough. Getting through the day is hard, much less trying to accomplish anything productive during the day. Here are some tips on how to get through a low period and keep on pursuing your dreams.

1) Have perspective. Pain, even the worst type of pain, subsides over time. Your troubles are temporary. Some day in the not too distant future, you *will* be doing better. Remember that what you are going through now is not forever.

2) Follow Momastery's lead: when you are feeling down, help someone else. It may not solve your problem, but being able to feel useful, helpful, or loved in any capacity can give you the "juice" and energy to work on your own troubles.

3) Phone a friend. Whatever you are going through, you are not the only one. Learn from someone else's experience, commiserate with them, or just be heard.

4) Seek professional help. Sometimes, the problems we face are not solvable on our own. Substance abuse, for example, is almost never something you can 'fix' by yourself. Find the right support for your problem, whether it be medical professionals, counselors, coaches, business advisors, or mentors.

5) Tough times build our character. It takes rain to make a rainbow, and you may need this experience to really appreciate the reward that comes later.

Good Luck! You CAN do it!

The Best of Friends

-by Jaime Willis

"We all need friends with whom we can speak of our deepest concerns, and who do not fear to speak the truth in love to us." -Margaret Guenther

Hannah, Jaime & Jacky,  NYC January 2011

This past weekend, I had a wonderful time with two of my best friends in New York City. Because we live in three different cities in two different continents, we cherish our infrequent 'face time' together.

After getting home last night, I reflected a little on why I love these two women so much. They are amazing, strong, intelligent, and funny. One of the things I like most, though, about our 'pajama summits' is our ability and desire to work through each other's most difficult problems with love and a lot of push-back.

You can probably share a struggle with most of your friends and they will commiserate with you. That's what friends are for--they listen, they get outraged on your behalf, they comfort, they share stories of when it happened to them. But a true friend will also push you to challenge your own perception of what is happening. A true friend will tell you when you are acting a little too pitiful and need to 'buck up.' A true friend will tell you that there is no easy way around the thing you are struggling with but to wade in and get dirty. (A true friend will be right there getting dirty with you!)

Each of us this weekend had a chance to share what was most troubling right now in our lives. And each of us were comforted but also challenged by the other two. Some of the challenges we gave to each other:

Focus on the possibilities, not just the (potential) problems. Negativity begets itself, so if you want something great to happen, spend more time anticipating that it will be great!

You don't have to get an A+ in life; accept that some days are bad days and you are still an amazing person anyways.

Being the recipient of someone else's help is far more difficult than being the helper. Be gracious in your needs, not ashamed and angry.

Stop talking about it and start doing it. We'll be here to brush you off if you fall, but you *have* to get out there and do it!

When you are trying to achieve a goal, you *will* have challenges and setbacks. Those are inevitable in life. If you have a friend, a 'challenge buddy' that can not just comfort you, but also give you a loving kick in the pants towards the right direction, you are going to be much more successful!

Struggle

-by Matt Leedham

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” – Frederick Douglass

Do you know anyone that is passionate? Someone that is doing something they were meant to do and loving every minute of it? I know a few passionate people and wrote about it here. Do you think any of those people reached that state of passionate happiness through a path of least resistance? Do you think they got there by making compromises?

What I can tell you with certainty is that people that are passionately happy with what they are doing with their lives, at one point, went through great struggle. At one point, they were miserable. At some point in their journey they were either unhappy, broke, confused, unsure, insecure, or frightened that they would never find happiness (or all of the above).

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” – Tony Robbins

Moments of decision. Yes. Tony is talking about the crossroads. There are many crossroads in our lives – some big and some small. But it’s these moments of decision that our destiny is shaped. These times of decision (or indecision, depending on your perspective) is what shapes us. And frankly, it can be scary and stressful to be confronted with these decisions. But I say embrace it! Be grateful for the opportunity to make a decision and then realize that you do, indeed, have a choice! You are in control. The struggle – the uncomfortable times in your life – that’s the place from which life-altering decisions are made.

I recently watched “I’m Still Here,” the Casey Affleck mockumentary about Joaquin Phoenix’s retirement from acting to pursue a rap career (his new passion). To refresh your memory, you may remember seeing Joaquin on The Late Show with David Lettermen two years ago. I’m embarrassed to say that I wasn’t quite sure what was real and what wasn’t in the film, but Edward James Olmos drops a quote when Joaquin is at a low point in his journey, uncertain and insecure. Pointing at a drop of water on the table, he says:

“That’s you, a drop of water, and you’re on the mountain of success. But one day you start sliding down the mountain and you think, wait a minute. I’m a mountain top water drop. I don’t belong in this valley, this river, this low dark ocean with all these other drops of water. Then one day it gets hot and you slowly evaporate into the air, way up, higher than any mountain top, all the way to the heavens. Then you understand that it was at your lowest you were closest to God. Life’s a journey that goes round and round and the end is closest to the beginning. So, if it’s change you need, relish the journey.”

In hindsight, knowing this was this was a mockumentary, I can laugh at how dramatic this was in the film (you can actually hear the quote by Olmos if you click on the official movie site link above - the video will automatically play).

Regardless, I love the message.

If you’re at a low point, if you are struggling, watch out! Times of change are nearby. Embrace the journey and take advantage of the crossroads that lay before you.

You have a decision to make, and it’s in these moments your destiny is shaped.

Bad Days

-by Matt Leedham

I have to be honest. I’m a little surprised you’re even reading this post right now because I could barely get out of bed to write it. Yesterday I developed a fever that spiked at 102.5 degrees and after hardly moving all day, I popped some Nyquil before going to bed at 9pm. I woke up this morning, still battling a fever, but feeling a little bit better and am willing myself to write this.

What do you do with bad days? Like yesterday, sometimes they knock you on your butt. Other days aren’t quite as bad. Sometimes you are ill. Sometimes you are blue. Sometimes you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Sometimes you receive news that isn’t so great, and sometimes people do things that aren’t so great. And sometimes your motivation meter is registering low.

Speaking from experience, one bad day can snowball into multiple days, a week, and sometimes get you completely off track. When you have big plans to achieve big goals, these disruptions can be devastating.

Here are some tips to get back on track:

1. Be honest with yourself. Recognize and acknowledge what is happening. Many times, this alone will end the vicious cycle.
2. Make a plan for tomorrow. Jot down your ideal day for what tomorrow will look like. Review it before you go to bed and prime yourself to succeed when you wake up.
3. Talk to someone. I find that just being honest with someone else about how you feel reduces the perceived size and importance of what’s holding you back.
4. Re-center yourself. Whether you meditate, pray, exercise, or do yoga, spend some time bringing yourself back to center. For me, a simple 5-minute breathing exercise is enough to ground me and bring clarity to the day.
5. Write and write often. If you don’t already have an outlet for writing, consider journaling or blogging. This can be done in many ways. For example, I have committed to keeping a gratitude journal in 2011. I plan to jot down 3-5 things I am thankful for each day. If you’re just getting started, start with one thing a day and go from there.

For more tips on overcoming material and emotional obstacles, join us for our special New Year’s Resolution Workshop on January 8, 2011. You can sign up here, and use the coupon code “GoalGift” to take 60% off the registration fee!

Give it up!

- by Jaime Willis

It is easier to break a bad habit today than tomorrow.

- Yiddish Proverb

We've talked a lot about setting goals and achieving your dreams. But sometimes, this means giving up. Not that kind of giving up! I mean give up your bad habits! Successful people don't have a lot of bad habits, because those unfruitful behaviors only drain their energy and reduce their ability to achieve.

Let's look at some common New Year's Resolutions and see what I mean.

You want to lose weight in 2011? You are probably going to have to give up junk food, late night snacking, heaping scoops of sugar in your coffee, and/or your drive-through "cooking."

You want to travel in 2011? You are probably going to have to give up random days off of work so you have enough vacation time to go on a trip and impulse shopping for yet another purse you don't need as that money should be saved for your travel.

You want to get healthy in 2011? Stop smoking.

You want to have time to work on a new hobby in 2011? You are probably going to have to stop saying "Yes" when anyone asks you to help out so you have some time for yourself and your own goals.

You want to accomplish more in 2011? You may have to give up some sleep & get up earlier or stop procrastinating and start working.

Bad habits sneak up on us all through-out the year. You may have started out 2010 strong, with the best of intentions, but a little slip-up here and a little compromise there and next thing you know your gym regimen is history and your bad eating habits have creeped back in your life.

Make sure your bad habits are NOT invited to come with you into 2011. Start now -- make a goal to give up your bad habit, and make a plan for how you are going to do that. Line up your support network now and make sure everyone knows what you are giving up.

You can do it! Give it up!

Giving is Achieving

- by Jaime Willis

"You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself." - Harry Firestone

What happens when you reach a 'breaking point' in your goal--when you just can't seem to push through the current challenge or obstacle and figure out how to keep moving forward?

My answer? Stop focusing on yourself!


When I am struggling the most with my own goals, I quickly lose perspective and acquire the Tunnel Vision of Doom. The Tunnel VIsion of Doom (TVoD) sounds a bit like this: "Everything is terrible, and nothing is going right, and nobody likes me...boo-hoo."
When I feel the TVoD starting up in my life, I know it's time to focus on someone (not something, someone) else for a while. Nothing realigns your own perspective on life than being inspired by helping someone else achieve their goals!

A friend of mine is a photographer and videographer in LA. Like many small business owners, he is challenged regularly with having enough customers and revenue to sustain his business. This past week, while his business was light and he could have succumbed to TVoD, he decided to do a pro-bono gig at the Los Angeles Mission for Help Portrait (a great organization--check it out!). When I spoke to him right after the event, and even several days after that, he was so energized and inspired by his service! First, he was able to meet three or four fellow photographers through the Help Portrait project, building his business network. Additionally, the program inspired him to work on building a whole new section of his own business, which will surely help him gain both customers and revenue.

While it may seem counterintuitive, finding a way to help others really will help you achieve your own goals!

Giving is so powerful, that authors Azim Jamal and Harvey McKinnon wrote an entire book on the Power of Giving. They tell us that giving your time, your money, your energy and/or your resources has an abundant effect on your own well-being.

Givers are happier, are in better health, build new relationships, and have better self esteem. Givers thrive.

How can you achieve your goals? Give a little! Let us know how giving has helped you in the comments!

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Announcements!

1. Special shout-out to all our new Linchpin friends -- Matt and I really enjoyed meeting all you last night!

2. Have you signed up for our December 11th Goal Setting Course yet? Why not? It isn't too late! Go to our website and sign up now! Use the coupon code VEL10 for $10 off!

3. Gentlemen! We are still looking for your quotes and wisdom! Email me or respond in the comments of this post.

4. Calling all achievers! Have you achieved one of your goals? Want to share what you did and how you did it with us? We are interviewing achievers now and would love to share your story. Email me for more details.

Gratitude in the Midst of Struggle

By Jaime Willis

"Hope is a choice, not a sum. You can have as much of it as you damn well please, regardless of circumstances." - Matt Ruff, Sewer, Gas, and Electric

This is week is all about gratitude.

Some of you may be struggling this week to feel thankful. You may be dealing with financial difficulties, personal set-backs, family drama, loss, or illness. You may wonder what you have to be grateful for as nothing in your life is going as you want. I hear you. It is hard to gather the emotional strength to soldier on and stay positive in tough times.

What can you do to build a grateful heart in the midst of struggle?

First, dig deep and try to find a silver lining in whatever difficulty you are dealing with. When I am struggling and can't find anything to be positive about, I go back to the basics. As people who know me well know, I am frequently sharing my thanks for flush toilets. Really! There are folks in other parts of the world that don't have indoor plumbing. I am grateful that no matter what else I may be struggling with in my life, I am not worried about outhouses and chamber pots, because I have flush toilets. My thanksgiving for indoor plumbing may seem silly, but it always helps me put my situation in context -- it could be a lot worse.

Second, when you can't find the strength to grab your own silver lining, lean on your support system. G at Momastery.blogspot.com spoke about this in her blog today, and it was so powerful, I wanted to share with you all:

There is a song by Bebo Norman, called "Borrow Mine." It is a song he wrote about a conversation heard between two friends; one, who was going through deep personal troubles, told the other, "I just don't know if I have faith anymore." The other friend replied by saying, "Then, you can borrow mine. I'll have enough faith for both of us."

I am constantly amazed when my friends offer me encouragement and support at just the right time to pick me up. I am so grateful for the love and support of my family and friends, especially in my times of struggle.

Last, I want to share a few songs (below) that help keep my spirits up when I'm feeling low.

I hope everyone has a very happy Thanksgiving!

Hope by Twista featuring Faith Evans

Life Goes On By Chris Kazi Rolle

Things Can Only Get Better By D:ream

Over the Rainbow - What a Wonderful World By Isreal "Iz" Kamakawiwo'ole

Thank You By Dido