Rules for Accountability Partners

-by Matt Leedham

In our goal setting workshops, we stress the importance of having accountability partners or groups. Having someone hold you accountable is a great best practice that many successful people use. But not everyone knows what it means to be an accountability partner – it’s not a skill they teach you in school.

Has someone asked you to be an accountability partner? Looking for tips to give your challenge buddy to be more effective? Keep the following in mind:

Ask a TON of questions. Goals do not exist in a vacuum. Goals are (or at least should be) connected to something deeper. If properly designed, goals should be aligned with both the achiever’s core values and personal vision. So, dig deep. Understand the “why behind” the goal. It will help you keep the real reason in the forefront. For example, losing weight is not just about shedding pounds – it’s usually about health, confidence, love, family, etc.

Ask permission. What type of coach is needed? Do we need the drill sergeant or the therapist? Or do we just need a friendly voice in our corner? The accountability coach should ask permission up front to have the uncomfortable conversation if necessary, and to confront situations that need to be addressed. Having this permission alleviates miscommunication and increases the effectiveness of the relationship.

Set up check-ins. We’re all busy. The worst thing that can happen to accountability partners is infrequent communication. Set up a time to meet regularly (e.g. every week or every other week) to check in on how the achiever is progressing. Set alerts to text or email the achiever with quotes of wisdom and positivity. This is a great indirect way to push them along.

Be generous. Offer up all of your resources and networks. An accountability partner needs to be resourceful and generous. You have agreed to be responsible for the achiever’s success or failure, so pull out all of the stops and help them get it done. Between the two of you, you likely have what it takes to make the goal a reality.

Celebrate the wins. This is the fun part! Celebrating the wins (even the smallest victories) helps create momentum and confidence. And confident momentum will propel anyone forward to keep achieving. Be a part of the celebration and keep cheering your partner on!

Being recruited as an accountability partner is a great honor. Accept it humbly. You are now co-responsible for someone’s personal success, achievement, and happiness. You are a critical piece in helping us build a community of achievers!

Happy Holidays?

- by Jaime Willis

"As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December's bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same."

- Donald E. Westlake

Ah! The holidays are upon us. In DC, students celebrated Friday as their last day of school for two weeks. The stores are packed with last minute shoppers. The roads and skies are full of folks traveling to the next holiday gathering. In all of this hustle and bustle, there are so many reasons to be stressed and upset--traffic is backed up, your flight is delayed, the perfect gift is sold out, your family is hard to handle, the weight is packing back on as fast as your bank account is dwindling, the list goes on. Maybe now is the time to re-frame and prime so you can ENJOY the season.

There are lots of ways to "Etch-a-Sketch" the holiday stress and focus on the positives.

1) Be Thankful. You may be scowling at the thought of having to listen to one more political rant from your Uncle John or pre-emptively popping the tylenol because your sister's kids have only one setting: LOUD. Instead, be thankful. Be thankful that your family is alive right now to bother you. Be thankful you live in a country where political ranting is protected speech (at least protected under the law--Uncle John may still get a biscuit thrown at his head!) Enjoy their quirkiness. Another blogger I read recently wrote her mantra is "This. Is. It." This is the only life we have, and this is the only moment that is guaranteed. Enjoy it! (At right is me and my nephew having fun with the camera.)

2) Be Forgiving (and For Giving). I took a supershuttle from the airport 45 minutes to my house last night. Every five minutes, the van spit out a monotonal beeping noise for 30 full seconds warning the driver of some critical required repair. For those of you who know me, beeping noises are my kryptonite. I plugged in my iPod and cranked my music, but I could still hear the beeps throughout the drive. I started crafting my complaint email in my head while deciding how little I would tip the driver for such an awful ride. And then, I stopped. The driver's job is hard enough on a normal day, much less with a full vanload of people during the traffic rush. And, he's had to listen to that beeping not just for one ride, but for the entire day! Putting myself in the driver's shoes allowed me to forgive him for his beeping van and also made me tip him extra for his trouble. Forgiving and giving also helped my own attitude!

3) Be Kind. How quickly we get enraged when a driver cuts us off or the person in front of us in line is insufferably slow. Just as easily, however, we can spread love and joy. Try smiling as you walk down the street, or sincerely wishing the cashier a happy holiday. Try laughing when the wait is long. Try making a silly face at the screaming kid in the restaurant. Being kind boosts your own spirit, but is also contagious. Share the love!

4) Take a Breather. Remember that the holidays are not all about breaking the bank to give the perfect gift or making the perfect dessert or even being the perfect hostess or guest. Take a quiet moment to yourself and just breathe. Being perfect isn't the goal. Enjoy the moment for what it is -- imperfections and all. It is a tradition at our house to enjoy a cup of tea while listening to the story "A Cup of Christmas Tea" after our Christmas brunch.

5) Help Someone Else. I used to watch

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition all the time, and it never failed to make me tear up watching an entire town come together to make a family's dreams come true. I read a story about the show recently that really brought the point home. The night before the family was to come home, there are hundreds of people in the house doing everything from painting to landscaping. Most are volunteers from various local charities. When a young woman from "Make a Wish" sidled up to the production staff in a room, they put her right to work painting. After spending most of the evening working with her, they discovered that the woman wasn't from the "Make a Wish" foundation, but a "Make a Wish" recipient with Stage-4 Leukemia. Even in this young woman's darkest hour, she chose to use her "wish" to help others. We should all make an effort to help someone else -- give your time, your resources, or your money and enjoy the gift of giving. (story hat tip: Reddit)

Happy Holidays!

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In the spirit of the season, we have decided to give as well. On Saturday, January 8, 2011, we are doing a five-hour New Year's Resolution Goal Setting Workshop Extravaganza in Washington DC. And we are doing it for 60% off our normal 3-hour workshop price. There are only 60 seats and at $20/seat, they are going to go quickly, so sign up today!

Cheer Leaders

- by Jaime Willis

I've spent the past several days in a drooling stupor as I recovered from my tonsillectomy (not as bad as everyone says, honestly). Anyways, in my recovery, I had a chance to catch up on my internet blog-reading and even discover a few new blogs. I want to share part of a great post made by Zan McQuade (btw, best name ever, right?) in her blog www.thatcupoftea.com.

"Sunday was the New York marathon. I'm not an athlete; I get winded just briskly walking the mile to the racecourse to cheer on my friends. But there's something inspiring about watching people accomplish that thing they've wanted to do for years, that thing they've trained for and anticipated for months. That thing that to complete requires some sort of superhuman PUSH, determination like no other...

I don't know the psychology involved, but I've heard from various marathoners that it helps to hear people just call out their name as a bit of encouragement. Something in me tells me that if I were doing something particularly difficult, and someone shouted "way to go Zan!" I'd feel bolstered. Or at least pretend to be. So I started shouting out the names of strangers.

Who knows if it was me, but I counted at least three of these strangers who were walking by the time they hit 108th street, who heard my ridiculous clap, my lone "you can do it!", looked at me, and their expression changed from the dead despair of defeated men to the inspired confidence of runners. And they would start running."

But it isn't just marathon runners that need the encouragement, is it? We all need a little push forward sometimes. We would all do better if someone was clapping and cheering us on, wouldn't we?

While I sat there last night wishing I had my own tonsillectomy Cheer Section - "Way to Rest, Jaime!" "Keep up the good napping!" - I thought that I would take the time to cheer on a few others in their own personal quests.

"WAY TO GO JACKY!" My friend Jacky is ordering a new dishwasher by herself in Italian (she moved to Italy several months ago with no Italian language skills) --way to go outside your comfort zone!

"KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK RACHEL!" My friend Rachel is helping to get out the vote for a non-profit childhood obesity project.

"YOU CAN DO IT TAYLOR!" Taylor has started her own landscaping company in New Orleans!

"AWESOME JOB, REDDIT!" The readers of Reddit have done some amazing and inspiring things for each other!

"YOU'LL GET THROUGH IT!" Storm of Paul and Storm's guitar was stolen from Chicago's O'Hare Airport last night. He is astounded by the feedback and offers of assistance through Twitter.

Join me in being a Cheer Leader -- find at least one person in your life that you can encourage today and share with us in the comments.