Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Is Suicide Ever the Right Choice?

-by Matt Leedham

The answer is no.

However, last night I was reminded of the frailty of the human psyche and the limitations of our own perspectives. An old friend of someone close to me took his own life yesterday.

I was immediately struck with compassion for the person telling me. Losing a friend like that must be traumatic and shocking.

Then my mind zipped over to thoughts of the deceased’s mother and young daughter…and all of the friends he left behind. Anger ensues as you ask yourself, “how could he do this to those around him?”

But then, after the dust settled and I reported the news to my wife, I couldn’t stop thinking about the state of mind of a person in so much pain that choosing suicide was, at the time, the best choice.

I got choked up thinking about the loneliness, the torment, and the depression. How terrible that must have been.

As someone that loves life passionately, it is really hard for me to fathom ending my own life. I can understand wanting to kill yourself, but I cannot process the pain and conviction of a person that goes through with it.

I have no other words for this.

I try to include a picture in every post, but couldn’t think of something that represents this topic. Instead, I’ll share something I found beautiful the other day. Just after sunrise, I was walking into a hotel in a business park near Dulles Airport, glanced up and saw this. For some reason I took a picture of it, and now I guess I know why.

It is reported that approximately 30,000 people commit suicide every year in the United States, while over 750,000 people attempt suicide. The most common cause of suicide is untreated depression.

If you or someone you love is having suicidal thoughts, please seek professional help immediately by calling a therapist or by dialing 1-800-SUICIDE.


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Detached Intention

-by Matt Leedham

The more I work with clients, the more they are becoming comfortable setting S.M.A.R.T. goals and action plans. They continue to achieve and hold themselves accountable. However, I am beginning to see a common challenge around goal setting and achievement. Things become a little dicey when you attach yourself to the goal's outcome. This can be particularly devastating for entrepreneurs, or anyone that is in sales, or anyone that needs to influence others.

When we attach ourselves to the end result, we essentially depend on others to define our worth. When we hand over the reigns to someone else, we give up the choice of what to think and feel.

Let's say that you are a salesperson. Your job is to sell 10 widgets a month. Each month, you do all that is necessary to sell 10 widgets - e.g., you have all the proper training, you do all the necessary research on your target clients, you network with others to build a pipeline of business, etc. To your knowledge, you've done everything you can think of to be successful.

The result: You only sell 6 widgets this month.

What are you likely to feel like? Did you fail? More importantly, are you a failure? Is it your fault? Are you not good enough?

People that say the don't like sales, or aren't any good at it, usually have an emotional attachment to the outcome. It is very easy, especially for those that are new to sales, to feel like they did something wrong and are not worthy of the sale. But what's the truth?

Those that are good at sales may have refined their technique over the years, but to stick it out in a "no thank you" environment, you need to shift your perspective. You need to engage in the process, not the outcome.

For any baseball fans out there, you'll completely understand this. Without a doubt, baseball is a game of massive failure. In fact, failure happens much more than success. Think about batting averages. A very good hitter in the Major Leagues will have a batting average of around .300. That means that this incredible hitter (who is likely paid millions of dollars a year), is failing 7 out of 10 times when they step up to home plate. If these great hitters emotionally tied themselves to every outcome, you'd see Alex Rodriguez, Albert Pujols, and Adrian Gonzalez crying in the dugout each night.

I've come to learn that setting goals is a great way to manage yourself for things that are 100% within your control. For everything else, I prefer to use the word intention.

For example, going back to the widgets, selling the widgets is not entirely up to you. You don't have complete control over the process. You cannot control the financial resources of your clients, or whether or not the timing is right for each client. What you can control is your actions directed at selling widgets.

In this example then, selling 10 widgets is your intention. The goal then, based on your experience, is to call 50 prospective clients and do 25 demos each month. Now, you've tied your value to the things you can control, and have detached yourself from the outcome.

This doesn't mean that you don't care about the outcome. Of course you do! You're just not emotionally connected to it in a way that may make you feel unworthy to succeed. So, knowing this, if you call 50 prospective clients, and do 25 demos, and only sell 6 widgets, what is a likely response?

Perhaps you would say, "Hmmm...I've done everything I thought I needed to do to sell 10 widgets, but it didn't work out this month. I wonder what the opportunity is here to try something different next month? Perhaps the economic climate has shifted and I need to tweak my strategy."

This is the perspective of successful sales people. This is a smarter way to work. Don't beat yourself up and just work harder. Instead, work differently. You have what you need to be successful, you just need to find the opportunity.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Rain, Rain, and More Rain

-by Matt Leedham

If you live on the East Coast of the U.S., you are likely drenched from head to toe. It has been raining for what seems like a week now. And this has not just been like an Irish mist that produces rainbows (and sometimes leprechauns), but more like Amazonian rainfall that washes small villages away.


Upon reflecting on the rain, I thought about all of the idioms, expressions, and metaphors about rain, and really love two of them:

When it rains, it pours

When it rains, you get wet

They’re so similar, yet have completely different meanings. The possible meanings actually multiply depending on your perspective.

Think of the Levels of Energy we’ve been discussing. How would someone operating at Level 1 view the expression “when it rains, it pours”? He or she might say something like, “there are so many challenges and things keep getting worse and worse.”

How about someone at Level 5? The response might be, “wow, the challenges are multiplying….what’s the best opportunity for me here?” Very different!

How would someone at Level 1 respond to “when it rains, you get wet”? The response might be, “darn it, every time it rains, I get wet!”

At Level 5? How about, “every time it rains, I get wet!” But there’s more… “How can I have fun with this?”

There’s another expression, not related to rain, that I think is beautiful.

It’s always darkest just before dawn.


That’s a very Level 5 way to look at things.

Many years ago, I found a humorous poster that poked fun at the expression above. Jokingly, this is a Level 1 way to look at darkness. Hope you get a kick out of it!


It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Be Strong

- by Matt Leedham

“You are only as strong as your purpose, therefore let us choose reasons to act that are big, bold, righteous and eternal.” - Barry Munro

Quick disclaimer: I typically research the quotes I use to be sure that proper credit is given. However, I have Googled and Wiki’ed the heck out of Barry Munro and cannot seem to find a note or description of who this person is or when he said this, but he is credited in multiple locations for this quote. If you have information on Mr. Munro, leave a comment!

Regardless of who Barry Munro is, his words are important to those that seek to set meaningful goals in their lives. In fact, it is perfectly aligned with my post from last week (Dare to be Powerful). The point being, all of us have the potential to be as powerful, strong, and influential as we want to be…all in service of our purpose and vision.

Munro goes on to say “let us choose reasons to act that are big, bold, righteous and eternal.” Don’t be confused. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t think this means that you need to be the next Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, or Mother Theresa. Your purpose doesn’t need to be ending world hunger, or stopping social genocide (although, hooray for you if it is!). We all have the ability to be strong in our own personal sphere of influence.

Your purpose from which you choose to act may be building a strong family, helping those in your community, sharing your thoughts and creativity with the world, bringing people together collaboratively, or being a great friend to those around you. Whatever your purpose may be, chose reasons to act that are BIG and bold. You might just be surprised how strong you really are.

Please share your thoughts on purpose in the comment section below.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Congratulations, You Failed!

- by Matt Leedham

I decided I wanted to write on this topic the other night, lying fully awake in my bed. I think it was my way of getting back in the saddle. Addressing failure head on to see what comes of it. Maybe I needed a little help to realize that “failure is an event, not a person.” (Chuck Gallozzi).

Then I remembered hearing that interesting story
about Thomas Edison. The light bulb had been invented but was not commercially viable because it lacked the proper filament that would sustain electric light for long periods of time. This was Edison’s greatest contribution – discovering the right solution that would bring electric light to the masses. It is reported by both Edison and other sources that his experiments failed more than 10,000 times. He is quoted as saying, “I haven’t failed 10,000 times. I haven’t even failed once. I have successfully discovered 10,000 ways that will not work.” His point being, of course, that by eliminating the wrong ways to do something only brings you one step closer to figuring out the right way.

Thomas J. Watson, Founder of IBM seems to agree with Edison: “Would you like me to give you a formula for…success? It’s quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure.” Watson goes on to say, “You’re thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn’t at all…you can be discouraged by failure, or you can learn from it. So, go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because remember, that’s where you’ll find success. On the far side.”

The far side, indeed.

It can feel that way sometimes, can’t it? The far side. For many of us, failure is a tough pill to swallow. Sometimes even the fear of failure is enough to crush your spirit.

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.” - William Shakespeare.

How do you overcome that feeling so that you can learn from the failure and try again? Courage and perspective.

Courage will be addressed in Part 2 of this post on failure. And I hope this post is putting things in perspective for you.

History’s best achievers, not only of great feats but of personal happiness, have failed massively. If you can learn from your experiences, you will be one step closer, my friends.

Be relentless and keep things in perspective.

PS…if you have time, watch this 8 minute video produced by Honda. As you may know, Honda is one of the most respected automotive companies in the world. In the racing community, their engines are top of the line. Think they haven’t failed miserably? Think again.

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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Today's Going to Be a GREAT Day!

- by Jaime Willis

In the ten plus years I’ve coached students to do better on standardized tests, there is one sentence that almost all of my students utter that makes me STABBY.

“I’m bad at test taking.”

Firstly, test-taking ability is not genetic, but people certainly act that way. As if their test-taking ability was as immutable as the size of their feet or the number of freckles on their face. This way, they don’t have to take responsibility for the outcome on their exams—it isn’t them, it’s that they lack the ‘test-taking gene.’ Right? No! The ability to do well on tests is a skill that anyone can learn and excel at, given time, attention, and a fair amount of practice.

What that pronouncement says to me is nothing more than, “I give up.” Even worse than that, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more negative you are about your own abilities, the more likely that you follow that path to failure.

One of the things Matt and I feel very strongly about is the need to PRIME yourself to be successful. This doesn’t mean that you have to shout from the rooftops about how amazing you are all the time (that would be really obnoxious!), but you do need to reframe your thinking to focus on the positives and success instead of on the negatives and possible failure.

Priming yourself to succeed is a very deliberate, conscious act.

It is waking up every morning and deliberately being happy about the day, whether you feel that way at first or not. (I personally like to walk to work to “All I Do is Win” by DJ Khaled).
It is focusing on the positives, not the negatives. “I’m working on getting better at remembering people’s names, “ not, “I’m so forgetful.”

“I am so happy that I’m working hard on becoming healthy” instead of “I can’t believe how fat I let myself get.”

I challenge you to reframe one of your goals so you are completely focused on the positive and see if your results improve!

Believe it. Achieve It.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Elephant Complex

- by Jaime Willis

When captive circus elephants are young, their trainers shackle one of their legs to a heavy iron stake pounded deep into the ground to ensure that no matter how hard or how defiantly the young elephant struggles, he will not be able to escape. Years later, when the elephant has grown into his full strength and power, the trainer still holds him captive, but not with chain and an iron stake. The trainer can use simple rope and a wooden stake half-heartedly pushed into soft soil, and still the elephant will not escape. Why? The elephant is trapped by his mind, where his past experience has ingrained in him the futility of freedom. Even when freedom lies handily in his grasp, the elephant is held captive.

I have to encourage myself everyday to challenge my “elephant” mindset. Ripping myself free of the elephant mindset is a daily, hourly, minutely struggle. Every time I think “I can’t,” shying away from some activity I've always perceived as beyond me, I must consciously activate a stronger, louder voice that says “I CAN!” And be sure to follow it up with, “And if I can’t now, I have to keep trying!"

For me, the biggest challenge is continually push myself out of my comfort zone. To help keep this can-do attitude at the front of my mind, I’ve written myself a note on my bathroom mirror that says, “I AM SMART. I AM STRONG. I CAN DO IT!” I use it as a daily reminder to break free of my mental shackles—because I am no elephant, and I refuse to act like one.

I challenge everyone to be watchful of their own elephant mindset and to challenge it. Loudly. Daily. And unceasingly. Why?

Because you CAN!