Be Selfish

-by Matt Leedham

(written on Monday, February 7, 2011)

I am sitting on a bench at the scenic overlook of the Great Falls of the Potomac River in Maryland. I have my laptop out and am typing away, getting quizzical stares by the occasional hiker. I wasn’t planning on using any technology today, but the mood struck me to write. And so when it does, I must write. This post has no intent, other than to share a personal experience. It’s not particular deep in meaning, nor is it choc-full of practical tips for aspiring achievers. And I’m okay with that.

I scheduled the day off of work today on purpose. My goal was not to sit around the house and watch movies, but rather to be inspired. I should rephrase that. My hope was to be inspired. My goal was to go enjoy the day, preferably outdoors.

I learned of this “Inspiration Day” concept from my Challenge Buddy (it’s like a step up from an accountability partner). The idea is to just go out into the world (or into the wild) and explore. For some people, that may mean going to the shopping mall. For me, today, it meant driving along Clara Barton Parkway in DC up the Potomac River until I crossed the Maryland state line.

I stopped at Great Falls and hiked the trail for about half a mile. I found a little clearing off the main trail that seemed to lead down to the riverbed. I followed the trail a ways and came to a large, rocky inlet. There was a clearing of the rocks, and out of it formed what resembled a small beach. Not Caribbean by any means, but sand, water, and a beautiful scene.

I sat there for some time, soaking it all in. I reflected. I wrote some things down. I breathed. I ate some grapes, drank some water, and threw some stones into the river. Near some branches and rocks along the riverbank, foamy water had gathered and it looked like the top of a lemon meringue pie. I just watched it for awhile since I had never seen that kind of thing before. I got cold, put on my extra sweatshirt, and began to walk back up to the main trail. I was probably down there for an hour or an hour and a half. I’m not sure. I didn’t look at my watch.

I began walking back the way I had come in. This time, noticeably slower. I felt at ease. Along the canal to my right were 6 mallard ducks. When I noticed them, I stopped to watch. When I did, they began to swim toward the middle of the canal, away from me. One of the females didn’t see me and kept digging in the mud with her beak. Then a male duck came back for her and scurried her along back to the group. It was then that I realized that they were travelling in pairs, as couples. Three “married” couples were just going about their business on a lazy afternoon. I chuckled.

After some more walking, and more observing, I find myself here. Just sitting on this bench, listening to the powerful sound of white water rapids.

Did I achieve my goal for the day? Absolutely. Did I realize my hope for the day? I’m not sure. But what I can say is that I’ve written more in 40 minutes than I normally do in 2 hours. Not earth-shattering results, I’ll admit, but there’s something to be said for unplugging from the madness…from going off the grid for a day or an afternoon. It may take longer for some than others, but a clarity and focus sets in that is hard to get when your eyes are twitching from trying to keep up with your laptop, desktop, smart phone, GPS, satellite radio, and TV.

Take some time with yourself. Sharpen the saw, as Stephen Covey would put it. If you don't put you first, who will?

Mission Commitment Part II

-By Jaime Willis

"Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda

As many of you know, I am currently working on a goal to complete fifty 10Ks in 2011.  Today is the last day of January, and I have finished six 10Ks!  I am really happy with my progress and am (not so) secretly hoping to finish this goal much earlier than in December, as I'd originally thought.  But, when people find out I'm running multiple 10Ks a week, they are usually incredulous.  The number one comment I've heard so far from folks is "I couldn't do that." 

WHY NOT?

A 10K is 6.2 miles, and I consider one 'run' if I complete that distance walking, jogging, or running indoors or outdoors on a treadmill, elliptical, crosstrainer, or road all at one time.  To me, the only really challenging part is the "all at one time" rule.  If I got to aggregate my time on cardio machines throughout the week, it would be a lot easier.  But there is no "race" deadline.  I could literally take a three hour stroll and that would count.  So when folks say, "I couldn't do that," I think to myself, "someone needs a lesson on mission commitment." 

Terol Pursell, Sean Feehan, Ryan Darling and Jared Walker lead the pack as they run through pouring rain during a cross country practice Sept. 23, 2010, on north Icon Road, bordering the campus of Northwest Missouri State University. (Darren Whitley/Northwest Missouri State University)

Mission Commitment can be loosely defined as "Relentless pursuit of your goal." I think the real key to mission commitment is being relentless. No matter who or what gets in your way, you will work around or through each challenge to make your goal happen.  If you are not relentless by nature, don't worry.  You can learn it! 

Build your Mission Commitment muscles by:

1) Priming yourself to succeed.  You have to believe achieving your goal is possible to be able to pursue it relentlessly.  Your inner dialogue needs to match what you are trying to do.  As I am going to bed, I talk to myself about what I am going to accomplish the next day.  "I am going to run a 10K tomorrow." When I wake up, I continue priming myself by preparing to run -- getting a gym bag together and taking it with me to work, planning out my schedule so I know when I have to leave work to have enough time to run 10K, etc.  

Pro Tip: You may not actually believe what you are priming yourself to do when you start your goal.  That's ok.  Just keep repeating the 'unbelievable' and eventually, you'll 'fool' yourself into believing!

2) Make it easy to begin.  With my goal, I didn't have to ramp up to the 10K distance because I was already in the gym doing cardio for about that long to begin with.  For me, the 'easy' win was the fact that I wasn't racing.  I am a s-l-o-w runner, and I knew the 10K was going to take me 1 - 1.5 hours each time I did it, more if I was walking.  Since the only rule is that I finish the race, I don't have to worry about how slow I am, any finish is a win! (Of course, now that I am doing this multiple times a week, I'm racing myself, but that just makes it fun for me.) 

Whatever your goal is, you need to make the first few steps stupid-easy to complete so you rack up the wins.  If you are having trouble getting to the gym at all, your first win should literally be to show up to the gym.  No workout requirement, no crazy lifting goals, just show up.  The next time, your goal could be to get at least 10 minutes of exercise in.  Stupid-easy.  Once you start racking up the wins, you WANT to keep winning, and *bam* you have mission commitment.

3) Build in accountability.  There are two easy ways to do this: tell folks what your goal is and partner up with someone who is like-minded.  I posted my goal on this blog and on my personal facebook page. So about 750 of my closest friends know that I am running 10Ks this year.  In itself, that is pretty motivating -- I don't want to be a liar to that many people!  I haven't found anyone who wants to run 10Ks with me a few times a week, but I have found other ways to partner up.  In my first race, I got to 4 miles and felt like quitting.  I knew that I could push through, but needed some motivation.  While I was still running, I texted Matt, and he texted back a couple of cheers that kept me on the elliptical for the entire time.  I also plan on running a few 10K road races with friends, another way to stay accountable.

4) Have a Mantra.  When times are tough, when you feel disheartened and ready to quit, when your accountability partner is nowhere to be found, you have to have something at the ready to keep you limping forward.  In Matt's most recent marathon in Austin, Texas, he hit a wall at mile 17 or so.  He could have quit - plenty of people do.  But he just kept repeating to himself "Don't stop, just keep moving."  Especially in physically challenging circumstances, it is rarely our bodies that will give out first--it's our minds!  Get your mind on 'auto-pilot success' by having a mantra you can repeat over and over again until you get through it.  On a challenging section of one of my runs, I literally repeated "mission commitment" with every step to remind myself of why I was doing this.  On another run, I played Destiny Child's Survivor on repeat for the last 20 minutes of my run.  

"I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gon' stop, I'm gonna work harder,

I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, Keep on survivin'" - Destiny's Child

Whatever your goal, I KNOW you can do it.  Build up your mission commitment muscles and you'll see success in sight! 

The Best of Friends

-by Jaime Willis

"We all need friends with whom we can speak of our deepest concerns, and who do not fear to speak the truth in love to us." -Margaret Guenther

Hannah, Jaime & Jacky,  NYC January 2011

This past weekend, I had a wonderful time with two of my best friends in New York City. Because we live in three different cities in two different continents, we cherish our infrequent 'face time' together.

After getting home last night, I reflected a little on why I love these two women so much. They are amazing, strong, intelligent, and funny. One of the things I like most, though, about our 'pajama summits' is our ability and desire to work through each other's most difficult problems with love and a lot of push-back.

You can probably share a struggle with most of your friends and they will commiserate with you. That's what friends are for--they listen, they get outraged on your behalf, they comfort, they share stories of when it happened to them. But a true friend will also push you to challenge your own perception of what is happening. A true friend will tell you when you are acting a little too pitiful and need to 'buck up.' A true friend will tell you that there is no easy way around the thing you are struggling with but to wade in and get dirty. (A true friend will be right there getting dirty with you!)

Each of us this weekend had a chance to share what was most troubling right now in our lives. And each of us were comforted but also challenged by the other two. Some of the challenges we gave to each other:

Focus on the possibilities, not just the (potential) problems. Negativity begets itself, so if you want something great to happen, spend more time anticipating that it will be great!

You don't have to get an A+ in life; accept that some days are bad days and you are still an amazing person anyways.

Being the recipient of someone else's help is far more difficult than being the helper. Be gracious in your needs, not ashamed and angry.

Stop talking about it and start doing it. We'll be here to brush you off if you fall, but you *have* to get out there and do it!

When you are trying to achieve a goal, you *will* have challenges and setbacks. Those are inevitable in life. If you have a friend, a 'challenge buddy' that can not just comfort you, but also give you a loving kick in the pants towards the right direction, you are going to be much more successful!