There are no mistakes.

By Jaime Willis

There are no mistakes.

Gut check -- how does that sentence resonate with you?  For me, this coaching concept was a really tough one and something I am still learning from every day.

When Matt and I went to our first coach training module -- three grueling and invigorating 10 hour days --  I flatly rejected this concept as it was taught in class.  I remember very clearly Matt and I having an emotional discussion on the car ride home one day from class about how some choices we make are mistakes, plain and simple.   We agreed that the best path from a "bad experience" was to learn from it, grow, and move on emotionally, but we weren't able to convince the other how to label the original experience.

When we label something as a "mistake" or as "bad," we begin to judge ourselves or others, and this is when the real problem comes in.  When we judge, we lose the ability to love unconditionally.  I strongly believe our core purpose on Earth is, above all, to embody Love.

Over the past six weeks, I have really been working on this concept.  I've been thinking a lot about things I have struggled with in my past and realized that all of my experiences, "good" or "bad," have put in the position I am today.  A "bad" experience is just training and preparing me -- building the skill set I'll need to deal with something in my future.

Really embracing this concept allows me to experience the "bad" stuff differently.  Over the last six weeks, I have been trying to buy my first house.  I've crunched the numbers a thousand times, I've enlisted the help of an agent, I've visited countless listings online and made multiple trips to visit homes.  I've drawn floor plans, called zoning boards, started relationships with contractors, home inspectors, and mortgage brokers.

I've made three offers, none of which were accepted.

Buying a home is probably one of the most emotional business transactions I've ever been involved in.  Your home is an expression of who you are, so finding the right property with the right features in the right neighborhood at the right price is tough.  Finding it over and over again is tougher.

But, throughout this process, I have really come to accept that there are no mistakes.  I know that I will get the property that I am meant to get.  I know that the properties I didn't get, even though I have full floor plans for them, were preparing me for something better.  With each property I lose, I gain a bit more knowledge of what I want and how to get it in this housing market.  By the time I actually buy a home, I'll be an expert on the "right" property for me.

Losing these properties is hard, but I think there is, ultimately, a reason for my experience.  I'm learning and growing.

There are no mistakes.

Get Off The Mountain

-by Matt Leedham

Every morning I receive an email entitled “A Daily Boost From Your Professional Partner.” A good friend of mine from New Jersey, Anthony Fasano, is an executive and career coach for engineers, and sends out these little 1-2 sentence daily boosts. This morning message was particularly awesome:

"Matt, many people equate chasing their goals to climbing a mountain. If that were the case we would always be climbing mountains. Maybe we need to reframe this though in a way that promotes a more enjoyable career.

Reaching Your Goals Should Be Fun,
-Your Professional Partner

I immediately had this vision in my head of all of my friends, family, colleagues, and clients climbing mountains, constantly trying to reach the summit and achieve their goals (like these crazy mountain goats to the left). I laughed out loud. That would be ridiculous! Unless you’re an avid mountaineer, that doesn’t sound like a lot of fun to me, especially if you're starting at the base of the mountain.

So, let’s take a moment to reframe the thought process here, as Anthony suggests. Instead of looking at goals as simply an end result (i.e. victory, accomplishment, satisfaction, pride, etc.), let’s appreciate the entire goal setting (and goal getting) process.

If it will take you 3 months, 6 months, or 12 months to achieve a particular goal, viewing the entire process as a personal growth experience validates the whole time it takes to achieve (or not achieve) the goal. In other words, even if you fall just a little short of your goal, or even if you downright fail, you still take with you the experience you had along the way.

Your journey will become more enjoyable, as every day and every challenge, and every method you use, is helping you grow and become better. You won’t be forced to define yourself by the goals you achieve, but rather by how well you navigate the process.

Enjoy the ride!

PS...Nearing the end of the process of a stretch goal and looking back can often feel like you've just climbed a mountain. I should note that the visual image of reaching the Summit is a positive way to celebrate success after achieving a big goal.

Bonus Reading: Scott Young wrote an interesting post about setting goals for process vs. setting goals for desire. It’s a different spin on things, but you might enjoy the message.