New Year, New Who

-by Scott Sullivan (one of Velocity’s new extraordinary additions)

This time of year always makes me think of gifts, but not the kind that are wrapped with shiny paper and decorated with fancy ribbons (as FUN as those are to open!). As a life coach I constantly remind my clients that their strengths and gifts far outweigh their perceived weaknesses. The passing of one year to the next is a wonderful opportunity for us to reflect on our gifts. As I foray into the world of blogging each week, I would like to share with you personal and meaningful stories about my life in an effort to explore WHO I am. Together we will begin a journey that will help you define WHO you are and WHO you want to be…

My Gift

I have avoided airports for the past few years. In August of 2009, while waiting for a plane to take me from Tel Aviv to Boston, I discovered that my partner of ten years was in love with another man. You see, he had left me two months earlier but I had spent the entire summer attempting to reconcile. I fought, I battled…I cried every tear and felt the panoply of emotions that break ups seemingly force us to feel. I could not understand why anyone, why HE, would not want to be with me. Ten years of adventures was too much of an investment to squander. And then to find out it took him two months to fall in love again?

I started to think that there was something inherently wrong or broken about me.

When my connecting flight from Atlanta to Boston was about to depart that sultry summer day, I was faced with a life altering choice. Do I begin the process of moving forward and accept what I cannot change or do I return to our home in Budapest and fight for my man?

I chose to give up the self-loathing battle.

Instead I chose an internal self exploration and the emotional work of the past 2.5 years has now brought me to a fundamentally new level of self acceptance and understanding. I chose not to be with someone who did not want to be with me. I chose to build a strong but supple self esteem, tempered by years of breathtaking experiences, respected by innumerable acts of kindness, accepted as me, all of me, just the way I am.

Two weeks ago I faced my sad memory head on as I confidently walked through Reagan National Airport and onto a plane that took me to the ski slopes of Montana to celebrate the most amazing Christmas of my entire life with my family. Now I must be forthright, tears were running down my face (I am Italian-American and we do not just live life...we FEEL life). They were tears of absolute joy.

I have learned that love is not an investment, love is love, the most exhilarating of all the human emotions. I choose to love myself unconditionally.

My journey of self-love and self-embracing saved me from years of bitterness and self-loathing as I exposed myself emotionally to whomever would provide me with support and comfort. I would like to thank all of my friends, my family, my life coaches, my students and even my guardian angels in heaven for allowing me to grieve, to struggle, to temporarily capitulate, to experiment, to cry, and ultimately to live . . . boldly!

My gift this holiday season is ME, just the way I am… (plus some cool presents from my nieces and nephews).

What are your gifts and how do you choose to live in 2012? Who do you choose to be?

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