Weekly Wednesday Inspiration #30

-By Jaime Willis

I really love this idea from Improv Everywhere -- they set up a lectern in various public places of New York City, labeled it "Say Something Nice"  and videotaped the results.   Watch the video yourself:

Can you pay this forward today?  Say or do something unexpectedly nice to another person you meet!

Moving Targets

-by Matt Leedham

In 2004, I ran my first marathon. I trained for 5 months, running 5-6 days per week. At my peak training period, I would run 35-45 miles in a week. I really began to enjoy running. I had all the best gear, would meet up with other fellow running junkies, would stay in on Friday nights and be up at 5am on Saturdays to prep for my long runs. I loved running.

On Halloween 2004, I had one of the best experiences of my life. Running that marathon was an incredible learning opportunity. It was my first race and I just remember how awesome the energy was. Everyone was so excited to run and so was I. I had friends there to cheer me on, strangers shouting my name (which was proudly written on my shirt), and people to celebrate with afterward. Then a funny thing happened the next day…

I stopped running.

Literally, I just stopped. I didn’t run again for over a year. Given how into running I was, I look back on it and can’t believe that I stopped. I was disappointed in myself, but never really took the time to examine why that happened.

Years later, I learned that it is quite common for rookie endurance athletes to go on a hiatus because they make one huge mistake. First-timers get so geared up for the race, and train so hard for completing their first marathon (or half-marathon, or triathlon or whatever) that they view it as the finish line, as if it’s the end somehow. They often make no plans for the future – for what will happen after the race. In a running magazine, I read that it’s helpful for a runner to pick their next race while they’re still training for the first one.

So that’s what I did.

Not just with running, which I eventually picked back up and completed my 2^nd marathon in 2010, but with other goals in my life. I would try to pick goals that required about 3-4 months of time and staggered them so that I was constantly striving toward achieving the next big thing.

It worked great! I started to achieve a lot in my career and personal life. I was officially an “achiever!” An over-achiever, some might argue.

Surprisingly though, true happiness eluded me.

In fact, just last night I was speaking with a fellow coach about how my daily routine for the morning has gotten disrupted and I don’t feel as “tuned in” to what I’m doing each day. I began to formulate a plan to create my next 4-month goal so that I can get “back in the game,” get motivated and energized, and go achieve something!

My colleague asked me a simple question. “To what end?”

“What do you mean to what end?” I asked, confused. “To achieve more!”

He replied with calm curiosity, “But why?”

I suddenly didn’t have a great answer. He said, “It sounds like you just want to stick your finger in the socket and get juiced up again, which is understandable because it’s exciting to do and achieve something new.”

He had my attention now, and finished with, “The problem comes when we keep looking 4 months ahead toward the next ‘thing’ we want to accomplish, we forget one very important piece of the puzzle. We forget how we’re living now.”

Actually, the real problem (for me) is surrounding myself with very intelligent and insightful people that call me out on this stuff. Shoot! He was right and I knew it.

In fact, his reminder to me sounded very similar to something I read and wrote about a few months ago, The Happiness Advantage. In his book, and based on his research, author Shawn Achor concludes that most people believe that if they can just achieve that next goal (weight loss, a promotion, buying a house, etc.), that then they will be happy. But once we achieve that goal, our milestones for success get pushed further and further back. We end up chasing happiness because we believe it to be just around the corner.

So, you may be thinking (much like I was last night), that I need to take corrective action. I need to stop spinning my wheels and stop chasing moving targets. I need to focus on my life right now, in this moment. But how?

Luckily, I’ve already written about this. If you want to know what to do next, simply click here!

Lost my Mojo

-by Jaime Willis

"Should you find yourself on a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks." -Warren Buffett

So, I wrote a whole post this morning, but obviously you didn't see it. I re-read it, as I always do before posting (lest the grammar police arrest me), and just didn't like it. I told Matt I was going to hold off on posting until later today to see if I could get some better blogging mojo.

And, truthfully, that is what is on my mind today. Mojo. Energy. The ability to power up and through your day effectively. Right now, I just don't feel like I have it. Life has been busy, but my life usually is. When I get busy, usually the first thing out the window is exercise. Next, healthy eating, followed quickly by lack of sleep. Then comes lethargy, hand-in-hand with lack of ambition, and next thing you know I'm getting irritated too easily and then feeling blah about life.

Sound familiar?


I was talking to a client this weekend about time management. One strategy the client talked about using was reminding herself why she was doing the work she was doing, to ensure that her plan for the day was aligned to her values. This will make it more likely that your day's activities are a "want to do" list instead of a "have to do" list.

I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and prime myself to have the day I want to have -- good night's sleep, eating well, a plan to exercise, and high energy. It's time to hit reset!

"Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you." -Oprah Winfrey

Uncertainty

-By Jaime Willis

I did an experiment with a group of adult educators. I gave them very vague instructions on how to arrange groups. The goal was that each educator would participate in four different groups. I told them that the composition of each group had to be different. Some of the adults were willing to work it out, trial and error even. Others would get to a point and then realize that they did not understand completely what to do and then would ask questions.  A few even began getting upset at the lack of directions and were resistant. I was hoping that the adults would be able to work together to negotiate the groups, but the project failed entirely.
...
From this simple illustration we can infer that our students in the classroom probably belong in one of these three groups: being comfortable with uncertainty, being uncomfortable with uncertainty, and being irritated with uncertainty.
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One of the main goals of the educational approach known as constructivism is to prepare learners for uncertainty by helping them feel comfortable in postulating, guessing, hypothesizing, conjecturing, and testing their theories. Unfortunately, we have socialized our students into the believing that not being certain is a bad thing, and as a result, few students are willing to take a risk and demonstrate their vulnerability.

-Excerpted from "Helping Students Deal with Uncertainty in the Classroom" by Ben Johnson 

Today, just moments from now, I am going to be looking and deciding if I will be putting an offer on my first home.  Last month, last week, and even part of yesterday, I was feeling a huge sense of elation at the idea of buying a home.  

Last night and this morning, I have been feeling worry and concern, as the moment comes nearer.  "What if I make the wrong decision?"  "What if I hate the neighborhood?" "Am I spending too much money?  Am I spending too little money?" "Am I moving too quickly?" 

In a recent class, my instructor told us one of the keys to mastery was fearlessness.  He defined fearlessness as "absolute freedom" where nothing and no one is stopping your progress.  

I think in the classroom and in life, we need to learn to be ok with a certain level of uncertainty.  We need to learn to take "intelligent risks."  We need to be fearless and vulnerable and try new things.  

What can you do to infuse your lesson plans (or your life) with room for (you or) your students to learn about and become comfortable with uncertainty?  

Military Leadership

-by Matt Leedham

I had incredible opportunity to go to the Pentagon yesterday, get a nice tour of the facility, and a behind-the-scenes briefing from two of America’s finest soldiers.

Toward the end of the tour, we deviated from the normal path of visitors and headed down the Hall of the Chiefs of Staff of the Army. It was noticeably different than any other hallway of the Pentagon. This one was lined with mahogany walls and large, ornately framed portraits of all 35 Chiefs of Staff of the US Army (36 and 37 are on their way). The pace slowed significantly as we looked at images of Dwight D Eisenhower, George C Marshall, and Douglas MacArthur.

We were then led into a briefing room that was oddly wide and short with 30 feet of television monitors in front of us. We all sat on one side and awaited out first presenter, Colonel Macintyre. The Colonel reports to a Lieutenant General (3-stars) and word on the street is that he will likely earn his first star and become a Brigadier General soon.

Colonel Macintyre talked about Army values. He stressed the importance of instilling values in soldiers from the first day they are welcomed by the “reception” command at boot camp. The Army values can be summed up using the acronym LeaDeRSHIP:

1. Loyalty
2. Duty
3. Respect
4. Selfless Service
5. Honor
6. Integrity
7. Personal Courage

Colonel Macintyre stressed that before joining the army, one’s life is primarily centered around themselves. With the Army values, and consistent training and reinforcement, soldiers quickly realize that they are part of something bigger than themselves.

What a great parallel to business core values. You see, to the Army, their values are not just on some plaque that hangs on the wall of a conference room that no one ever looks at. They are the cornerstone of every thought, decision, and action of our military. Lives, quite literally, hang in the balance.

I hope your business doesn’t have to make life or death decisions on a regular basis, but using values to make decisions and guide strategy is essential. With values, it’s no longer about the individual but about the group moving in unison toward a goal.

Our next presenter was Major General Anderson (2 stars). This guy is the epitome of a battle-hardened, tough-nosed warrior of the U.S. Army. His presence immediately captured our attention. The Major General’s role is to essentially know everything that is going on with the U.S. Army. He is the operations specialist that knows where every division, brigade, unit, and soldier is at any minute around the world. He can immediately tell you the operating status of equipment and personnel anywhere. He also coordinates domestic efforts and responses of the Army and the Coast Guard in times of natural disasters. The Major General has a very good pulse of what is happening anywhere in the world at any given moment.

He’ll be going on his third tour of duty soon in Iraq, where he’ll be given a large swath of land to oversee, including 20-30,000 troops. You could immediately tell that this man has had the command of thousands of troops in his day. His voice was scruffy and biting, reminding me of a junkyard dog. His wit and humor were equally sharp and coupled with his demeanor, made him a rather intimidating man to converse with.

My colleague asked a question about how he coordinates with other agencies regarding communications and intelligence. After he answered, she followed up with, “And then what do you do with all of that information?”

He crossed his arms, leaned in a little, and said, “What do we do with it? We kill people!”

There was silence in the room. All of us afraid he was about to carry out that exact action right then and there.

Then he cracked a barely noticeably smirk. That was enough to lighten the room and we all started laughing.

“Of course we don’t just kill people,” he said. “We make strategic decisions about where to send resources.”

Phew! That was close…

What was noticeable about the Major General was his outstanding confidence in himself and his team. He has innumerable moving parts to keep up with and relies on superb information and sound advice. Speaking with some soldiers later who don’t even report to Major General Anderson, he was described as a phenomenal leader. They told me how adept he was at analyzing complex scenarios and taking decisive action that accounted for 2^nd, 3^rd, and 4^th levels of responses. Essentially, he was always a few moves ahead of any situation. His people trusted him, and he trusted himself. To tie this back to the Energy Leadership, what was being described to me sounded very much like Level 6 – the ability to synthesize information and experiences and see them in totality rather than independently.

Again, what a great parallel to business leadership. Are you able to analyze complex environments and take decisive action that accounts for all possible outcomes? Imagine how employees and colleagues would respond to that level of leadership. What actions can you take to build the confidence in yourself to lead this way?

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In closing, an expression of gratitude: I am quite fortunate and blessed to be served and protected by such capable and value-driven individuals. They are truly American heroes, and represent thousands of others around the world that are equally driven to protect our freedom. I am grateful for their service to our nation, and the sacrifice many of them endure so that I may live a life of prosperity and choice.

Weekly Wednesday Inspiration #29

-By Jaime Willis

This is an artist's imagining of Van Gogh's inspiration for Starry Night.  Click here to embiggen it.  I've stared at this for minutes and just love it.  I hope it inspires you to think BIG and think BOLDLY about your own life.

Choice of Thought

-by Matt Leedham

It has been said by some that an average adult in the U.S. makes over 10,000 decisions a day. I’ve even heard estimates as high as 35,000 decisions. Research has actually shown that adults will make just over 226 decisions a day about food alone.¹ The exact number of total decisions is not clear, but it's safe to say that we make a lot of decisions everyday (although if you are aware of research that makes it more clear, please leave a comment).

I’m fascinated by this topic because it astounds me. There is so much going on behind the scenes that it’s hard to keep up with. One way to “own your own experience” is to be clear on your personal core values and trust that the decisions you make, including the subconscious ones, will be at the very least driven by your values. I wrote about this here (amazingly, almost a year ago).

More than how my food decisions are driven by more core values, I am now consumed with choice of thought. This has become my primary focus lately as I have learned two things this past year:

1. Since I cannot control the external world around me, including any person within it, my thoughts are, indeed, the only thing I can control.
2. There is a “secret” formula to changing behavior, achieving success, and being fulfilled.

“Secrets?” you may ask. Don’t you just LOVE secrets?!

As I work with clients, this formula is always a discussion topic in the beginning, and is often the focal point of our work.

The point is that while our thoughts drive our emotions, it is our emotions that drive our actions. The key for all of us is to understand and examine our core thought at any given time so that it becomes a choice rather than an “external fact.” By being aware, or conscious, of the core thought inherently makes you able to choose whether to accept that thought or choose another one that is more beneficial to you.

This formula is applicable is so many scenarios. Are you dealing with a challenge that you can’t seem to figure out? Are you dealing with someone at work that is pushing your buttons? Do you want to start a business (or write a book, or find a life partner, or change careers, or lose weight, or…)?

When reflecting on your challenge, ask yourself the following 3 questions:

1. What is the thought that keeps replaying in my mind, over and over again?
2. When I have this thought, what feelings am I experiencing?
3. When I feel this way, what actions to I typically take?

Let’s use the example of changing careers. It’s not uncommon for someone to be unhappy in their job and want to find a new path. Often times I will hear something like, “I am so unsatisfied and want to make a change. But I have bills to pay at home and can’t risk any missed income or a lower salary. Plus I’ve been in this job for so long that I don’t think I have enough experience to do this other thing I want to do.”

What is the core thought that they are replaying in their mind?

Core Thought(s): “I don’t have what it takes to make this change happen. I’m not good enough to figure this out, so I’m not going to try.”

Now, if you had this core thought, how would you be feeling? Here’s how I would feel:

Core Emotion(s): Helpless, frustrated, dejected.

Now, if you were feeling this way right now, what are some typical ways you might behave? Here’s what I would do:

Core Action(s): Take no action, accept my current state of dissatisfaction, complain about my situation.

Now, here’s the power of this formula. Let’s do a “thought pattern interrupt.” If you could, what thought would you like to have when thinking about this challenge? Here’s how I would like to think:

Core Thought(s): I deliver value to my employer and clients. I am competent and hardworking. I deserve to find a career that is both satisfying and rewarding to me, and valuable to my employer.

Now, if you had this core thought, how would you be feeling? Here’s how I would feel:

Core Emotion(s): Empowered, hopeful, confident.

Now, if you were feeling this way right now, what are some typical ways you might behave? Here’s what I would do:

Core Action(s): Analyze my situation, prepare my personal situation for change, reach out to others for help and connections, do some research, and confidently display my value to others.

You see, by catching the process in the beginning at the core thought, you can completely interrupt the negative cycle and choose new ways to think, feel, and act.

This is the basis for change, for growth, and for fulfillment. Examine your thoughts…you may be surprise at what you find.

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¹ Wansink, Brian and Jeffrey Sobal (2007), “Mindless Eating: The 200 Daily Food Decisions We Overlook,” Environment and Behavior 39:1, 106-123.

Celebrate like a child!

-By Jaime Willis

Last week was my birthday.  At my age, birthdays are no longer the euphoria-enducing affairs they once were.  I don't go to bed excited for the day to arrive, imagining what great toys I will receive and what celebrations I'll have.  I enjoy greetings from my friends and family, and usually organize a dinner at my favorite restaurant and call it a celebration.

Jaime & friends at Alero in Washington, DC

This year, however, turned out a little differently.  Of course, I still got lots of birthday greetings and cards, and I still had a wonderful dinner party with my friends.  But, my nephews, 2 year old-Tate and his brother, 3.5 year-old Landon, understood what a "birthday" is.  They were so excited to hear that Aunt Jaime was having a birthday.  Their initial suggestions for presents included a vacuum (huh?) and a dump truck (this one I understand, as they both love cars and really, anything with wheels).

So, when I came home to Michigan for the weekend, my brother and sister-in-law told me that I would be having a real birthday party, as the boys were so excited to celebrate.

When I went over to my brother's house on Friday evening, the boys greeted me at the door.  "Happy Birthday Aunt Jaime!" "Happy Birthday Aunt Jaime!," they both shouted with glee.  They could hardly wait for the party scheduled for Saturday evening.  Their energy was infectious -- and I found myself excited for my birthday again too.  Would I really get a dump truck?

I decided to go out all for the party -- I bought my plates in my favorite characters, Batman & Hello Kitty, a bouquet of balloons, and playdoh party favors for all the guests.

Batman, Hello Kitty, and the cake Landon, Tate, and their Mom, Becca, made.

The boys and I spent the hour before the party deciding which guest would receive which color of playdoh, what we would make with it after the party (cars, cars, and more cars), and trying not to touch the "lalloons."

I ended up with some truly awesome gifts -- a matchbox car, an "awesome job" dog stamp, some airplane stationary, and a ceramic kitty.

We played with playdoh, ate cake, and the boys ran around the house trailing bunches of balloons until they were too tired to stand.

The evening was so enjoyable! It was so fun reliving a birthday through the joy and wonder of toddler eyes.  I wonder how many other things in our lives would be different if we enjoyed them like my nephews do.  Car rides are the epitome of awesome -- so a traffic jammed commute may seem like a cool adventure.  Getting to play outside is so fun -- when is the last time you walked out of your door just to experience nature?  The night isn't complete until the boys have been read a story -- when is the last time you took time to read for fun?

Think today about how you can live your lives a bit more like a small child -- I have no doubt your day will be cheerier for it.  Happy Monday!

New Start, Fresh Start, Great Start!

-by Jaime Willis

For many teachers and students, this is their final weekend of “freedom” before school starts in earnest on Monday. Whether you are looking forward to the fresh start of a new year of dreading getting back into the “grind” of school, you can help yourself have a great start by doing a little bit of preparation.

Have a Plan

Whenever you are going to start a new task, you’ll feel better or more confident if you have a plan. If you are starting the new school year, lesson planning in advance is a huge help!

Have a Routine

When you are anticipating a fresh start, do so with a routine already in mind. What time are you going to go to bed to ensure a good night’s rest? What will your morning look like? How about your commute? Plan your routine out before the “start” day, and you’ll feel more prepared and confident.

Anticipate Challenges

Think about everything that could go wrong on your first day. Then, as much as practicable, plan a “solution” to the problem in advance. Worried you might forget your camera? Put it in your trunk the night before. Concerned that traffic might be a problem? Plan to leave your house earlier than usual. Scared the students will be really difficult to manage? Plan out a system to manage behavior ahead of time.

Visualize your Success

The night before your fresh start, take a few moments in the quiet of the evening to visualize your way through the day. Start by “waking up” refreshed, going through your morning routine, getting into school, and walk through every part of your school day. If you imagine what a successful day looks like, your brain will help you match your real day to your imagined success.

Smile & Have Fun

When you are nervous or worried, all of your energy is focused on the negative, which has a negative impact on your ability to interact with the world. I recently took a flight where I was seated across the aisle from a couple and their 9 month old baby. The mother was very stressed about keeping the baby quiet, and as a result, literally every time she held her child, the baby started crying. The father was much calmer and soothed his child right back into a peaceful sleep.

When you are scared, nervous, or worried, this is a great time to smile, to encourage others, to laugh and have fun – do things that calm or uplift your mood!

I hope this tips will help you have a wonderful “new start” soon!

Secrets to Successful Partnerships

-by Matt Leedham

I read an article the other day on Entrepreneur.com about successful business partnerships. They talk about the “secrets to success” of famous business partnerships. They highlight that most partnerships fizzle out (or crash and burn), but there are few famous examples of partnerships that have thrived for years. It’s a short, interesting read and I enjoyed the analysis of Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard, Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer, and Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger (who I’ve seen live a couple times at the Berkshire-Hathaway Annual Meeting).

What’s not so surprising though, is that the “secrets” of a successful business partnership sound eerily similar to the long-standing foundations of a successful marriage, or a successful friendship, or a successful employee-manager relationship. What are these secrets?

Drum roll please…

Trust – this doesn’t refer to obvious issues of trust, like embezzlement, as much as it refers to each partner knowing that the other is 100% invested in the partnership.

Mutual Respect – the understanding that one partner cannot achieve nearly as much without the unique talents and gifts of the other.

Shared Vision and Values – this is a long-term understanding of what is important to each partner and both believing in the ultimate goal of the partnership.

Honest and Open Communication – they actually say in the article that “taking on a partner is like taking on a spouse.” Any partnership depends on truth and open dialog.

Shocking, right?

Whether you are an entrepreneur, manager, or have significant personal and business relationships, how do you think this applies to you?

What I find is that many personal and business partnerships have trust and respect, and work hard at open communication because they know how important that is. But in reality, many partnerships are missing the shared vision and values.

Does your partner/employee/manager/spouse clearly understand what you value and what you want long-term? Is this an area of opportunity for you to gain clarity and share your thoughts?

Don’t wait to share your vision and values – life’s too short to keep it to yourself!

Weekly Wednesday Inspiration #28

-By Jaime Willis

-From r/GetMotivated

From Disappointment to Triumph

-by Matt Leedham

Before we begin, I have one note:

This post was difficult for me to write as I tend to smooth over the rough edges in my life in an effort to make everything look perfect. My triathlon experience was not perfect, and swallowing my pride to tell you about it wasn't easy. But I hope you gain some knowledge or inspiration from my story. If you do, then it was all worth it.

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Yesterday, Jaime outlined her experience at the Luray Sprint Triathlon. I’m very proud of her accomplishments. She did great and finished strong. Very impressive!

Going into the race, I think we’d both admit that I was the more confident one about our abilities. I was just eager to get out there and enjoy the experience.

Everything leading up to the start of the race further confirmed my excitement. The town was buzzing with excitement the night before the race when we picked up our race packets and had dinner. The next morning, I was awake at 5:00AM running around to get ready. Pulling up to Arrowhead Lake in Luray, I felt energetic seeing all the people, the tents, the lake, the mountains, the finish line, etc.

I couldn’t wait!

I racked my bike in the transition area, completely unsure of what I was doing. I had to look around to see how others set up their stations, and then I just copied them. I met up with Jaime and Brian and headed down to the lake, barefoot and shirtless. I had my swim cap on, which I’ve never worn before, and started stretching.

I saw my wife up on an embankment and waved to her as she took pictures. I gave Brian and Jaime high-fives and fist-pounds and waded out into the water. I took a few short practice strokes to warm up and then lined up with the other swimmers in wave 1; the youngest, fasted wave. I waved to my wife one more time and then the air horn sounded. Everyone took off, including me!

Then, what happened next is almost indescribable…

Total meltdown.

You see, I had never practiced swimming in open water before. I could swim 20-25 laps in the pool comfortably, but had never found the time or opportunity to swim in a lake. As you might imagine, things are a little different in a lake.

For one, there is a wind. This creates mild choppiness in the water. Not normally an issue if you are just enjoying a leisurely swim or lounging around in shallow water, but quite different than the glass-like water of your local swimming pool. So, when turning my head for a breath of air, sometimes I would be met by a small swell of water, which then filled my mouth. When you receive water instead of air, it’s a little alarming.

Secondly, there are hundreds of people all around you kicking and stroking, splashing and causing a commotion. It’s not uncommon to be kicked in the face or the chest. Again, alarming and concerning.

Thirdly, and this is not unique to open water swimming, but it was race day and as I mentioned before, the energy was high. My adrenaline was pumping and I took off. I swam the first 200 meters quickly and then realized I was completely fatigued. I was huffing and puffing and couldn’t catch my breath. I was almost hyper-ventilating (I’ve come to learn that this is normal for rookies). I looked around. The shore was not close. I was only 1/3 of the way toward the finish and in deep water, struggling for air.

I’m in the middle of the lake, completely exhausted and starting to panic. Facing one of two options here (1 – to live, 2 – to not live), I did what I had to do. I looked for help.

As any good event would, there were plenty of safety personnel around. There were lifeguards and volunteers in boats every 200 meters or so. I struggled my way to the closest boat and grabbed on, breathing heavily.

The lifeguard in the boat was very calm and said, “Is this your first open water swim?” I said, “Yep.” He replied, “Take your time, man. You’ll be alright.”

His demeanor was appropriate, but his estimation was incorrect.

After a minute of catching my breath, I thought to myself, “I better get going again or I’ll be the last one in the lake.” I knew that after 40 minutes they would be calling it quits, pulling people out of the water, so I decided to go for it, knowing that another boat was only 200 meters away.

I went for it again, but ran into the same issue. Hyper-ventilating. I flipped on my back and tried to paddle slowly, hoping to catch my breath. It didn’t happen. I looked for the next boat and grabbed on.

By now I was frustrated and dejected. How could this be happening? What the heck is wrong with me?

After a minute, I tried again. Same issue. I grabbed a kayak.

After a minute, I tried again. This time noticing that the last wave of swimmers was catching up to me. I couldn’t make it, and grabbed onto a 4^th boat.

Almost sad now, I didn’t think I had it in me to finish. There were no more boats between me and the finish of the swim. I told the woman in the boat that I didn’t think I could do it. She told me that I could and that they’d keep an eye on me.

I let go and went for it. Side stroking with everything I had, taking mouthfuls of water every third stroke. I tried not to keep looking at where I was going. “Just go!” I said to myself. “Just keep moving.”

I finally looked ahead and saw that people were standing up in the water and running out of the lake…they were just 100 meters away. I gave it everything I had.

I can’t describe the feeling I had when my feet hit the first stones at the bottom of the lake. I reached down to check, and sure enough, it was solid ground. I stood up, exhausted. I couldn’t believe I had made it.

I tried to run out of the water, but could barely do it. When I reached the beach, I was able to pick up a slight jog. My wife was right there cheering for me. Well, if I’m being honest, she looked concerned and asked if I was alright. I just shook my head and tried to carry on.

Ahead of me was a wooden staircase that went up a steep hill toward the transition area. I started running up the stairs and then disaster struck again.

Like a bolt of lightening, my right calf muscle seized up, spasming with such force that I halted half way up the stairs. I couldn’t believe it. “This never happens to me!”

I rarely have muscle cramps, but I was having one at a very inopportune time. I grabbed the railing and tried to hyperextend my ankle, stretching my calf.

Meanwhile, there was a crowd of people at the top of the stairs cheering their heads off with vuvuzelas and cow bells. The first thing that crossed my mind was, “These people must think I’m crazy for stopping half way up the stairs.”

The cramp calmed down and I jogged into the transition area, confused and disoriented. I downed a GU, and chugged some water. I dried my feet and put my socks on, this time my glutes (butt) started cramping. Argh!

I finally got geared up, grabbed my bike, and started jogging out of the transition area. I hopped on my bike and started pedaling.

To both of our surprise, I saw Jaime. She was also just starting to bike. Believe it or not, she completed the swim and transition in the same time, even though she started over 9 minutes after me. She was killing it!

I said, “J, everything fell apart in the lake. I was grabbin’ on boats!” She said, “Just go!”

I did what she said and took off. I had been training for the bike portion for some time and felt comfortable. I started to cruise and then hit the first hill.

Like a snail, I made it to the top.

Then I flew downhill for some time. This was the first opportunity I had to not exert myself. What I did next still makes me smile.

I laughed.

And I laughed hard. Almost hysterically! For the first time, my mind had slowed down enough that I was able to think about my experience in the lake. I literally let out a bellow…a laugh to be heard for miles. I shouted out, “What the heck was that!?!” I just shook my head, kept laughing, and pedaled on.

Cruising through the farmlands of western Virginia, I began to appreciate the scenery. Absolutely gorgeous! Rolling hills, dilapidated barns, livestock, and distant mountains made the ride memorable.

There were some steep hills. Every time I passed someone, I said, “good morning!” They replied excitedly and we both got a burst of energy.

On mile 3 of the 17 mile ride, I was headed up a nice hill and switched into a higher gear. What happened next was unexpected, but given all of my mishaps so far, perhaps should have been expected.

The chain came off the gears and wrapped around the pedal crank.

Going up a steep hill without the chain on the gears means that my pedaling gave me no forward momentum. I was already going so slow that I almost started to roll backward down the hill.

I quickly hopped off and examined the situation. The chain was off and was tight. I said out loud, “How the heck am I going to get this back on?” At that moment, a biker that I had said ‘good morning’ to earlier shouted, “C’mon, you can do it! Get back on the road!”

Luckily, a week before, I saw a bike mechanic deliberately disengage and reengage the chain onto the gears. I moved some things around and was able to finagle the chain back on. More people passed asking if I was okay.

I was okay. And from there on out, I killed the bike course. In fact, I was so grateful for making it this far, that I started to cheer everyone else on. Anytime I passed someone, I would say, “Good morning! You’re doing great!”

Shockingly, they were shocked. They seemed genuinely happy that I would offer such encouragement. I don’t know, but it seemed obvious to me. We were all in this together.

The only moment of real weakness on the bike was on mile 16 when they introduced the last hill. It was VERY steep. Two girls were walking their bike up the hill. Everyone else was swerving and struggling as they pumped away. I put my bike into the highest gear, stood up, and cranked away.

Each rotation took me a couple of feet and then I almost came to a stop. That’s how steep it was. I would not give up. I refused to get off my bike, even though I thought about it every moment. I would NOT get off this bike even if I fell over for lack of forward momentum.

Thankfully, there were fans there at the top of the hill cheering us on. They had cowbells and horns and were hooting and hollering. They would not let me quit and I love them for it.

I made it over that last hill and cruised down the other side toward the transition area. I was so happy to see my wife there again, cheering me on. She looked so proud of me.

My transition time was much quicker and I started to run. I saw my wife again, this time taking a picture. She reached out her hand for a high-five and I told her, “I will finish this race, even if it cripples me!”

I ran up and down some hills refusing to walk. After my 2^nd marathon, I adopted a life philosophy and mantra that has served me well – “just keep moving.” I don’t care how slow I’m moving, I refused to stop.

After turning around, and crossing mile 2 on the run course, I saw Jaime bounding down a hill looking lively! We fist-pounded and cheered each other on.

I refused to let anyone pass me. I carried on, completely exhausted. I began to hear the crowd at the lake, waiting for me to finish. Yes, ME! At least that’s what I told myself.

I rounded the final corner, into the park, and I could see the finish line. With a burst of super-natural energy, I sprinted to the finish line. My arms raised, my wife cheering me on, Brian handing me a bottle of water, and the race now over, I had the biggest grin on my face.

After all of the struggles, all of the setbacks, all of the disappointments…I made it. I finished.

10 Lessons Learned:

1. Adapt to change. My entire expectation of the event changed after the swim. I had to carry on.
2. Carry on. Adversity is natural. Carrying on is not…it’s super-natural.
3. Beam positivity. It’s contagious and will carry others on. Unbeknownst to you, this will come full circle. Guaranteed!
4. Appreciate the experience. The beginning of my experience was awful and frightening. But it has made me stronger and I can’t FREAKIN’ wait for the next triathlon to increase my skills.
5. Move forward. “Just keep moving.” Slow down if you need to, but don’t stop.
6. Support is necessary. Having people in your corner to push you forward is critical.
7. Don’t underestimate powers beyond your control. Water, for example, is a powerful, uncompromising force. I can’t control it…I can only respect it.
8. Regardless of how much you train and prepare, you can’t always prepare for the unexpected.
9. Disappointment is a personal issue. Get over your ego and preconceived expectations of the way things “should” be. The sooner you face the reality of the situation, the sooner you’ll find a solution.
10. Believe in yourself. You are powerful and important. You will persevere!

The Bold Road

-By Jaime Willis

Yesterday, I finished a triathlon. A half-mile swim, a seventeen mile bike ride, and a three mile run. I covered over 20 miles of land yesterday with my body as the only fuel.

I was afraid I wouldn't finish.

Matt and I started this triathlon training business several months ago at the urging of one of our close friends. I already had (have!) a huge physical challenge goal for 2011 (50 10k runs), so I wasn't initially too keen on signing up for another challenge, but decided to play along.

After we decided to "go all in" and do it, I was a flurry of planning & action. Just like many people who are excited to start out a big goal, I was geared up for this race. I bought a bike and bike gear, I found out where I could practice swimming, I changed my running lengths, I bought swim gear. I began practicing the swim distance, I started riding my bike to work.

Like many other people, though, this goal fell by the wayside as life got in the way. Matt and I talk about using your core values as your guide, and the other things I was occupied by during my days ranked higher in my core values than this race. We even had a discussion a few months before the race where we both acknowledged that we weren't training as much as we should be and concluded that we were on the right track in life, if not on the "best" track for this triathlon.

In the month before the triathlon, I swam once. I rode my bike twice. I ran twice. That's all the training I fit in. I was afraid I wouldn't finish this race because I *know* what it takes to prepare for the race, and I didn't do it.

Two weeks before the race started, one person, then another dropped out. I thought about doing the same. I didn't need to do this triathlon. In the end, I decided that I needed to stick to my word more than I needed to buy into my fears.

My biggest fear was 'being swept.' The race director decides what the maximum time is for each leg of the race -- and I knew I had to be out of the water in 40 minutes, and done with the bike within 2 hours of the race start. (Turns out I read wrong, and athletes had 2.5 hours to start the run). That was going to be a challenge for me -- I knew I could do the distances, as I'd done them all before, but I wouldn't be fast. Would I be fast enough to beat the sweeper?

The night before the race, Matt, his wife Yu Jin, and I drove the course. It was beautiful, but challenging. The entire course was hills. Steep hills. Rolling hills. No flat land -- either you were cruising down a hill or working your way up a hill.

Added to that, thunderstorms were rolling through the Shenandoah Valley. The race director was rapidly responding to increasingly frantic messages from athletes wondering if the "race was still on." He started out telling people it would be a "game time decision," but when that didn't suffice, he let athletes know that if thunderstorms prevented us from swimming (lightening and water don't mix), we'd attempt a dualathlon (biking/running), even in the rain. Racing through the hills on a road bike in the rain made me a little anxious.

When I got back to my hotel room, I spent some time visualizing my whole race. What I was wearing, what I was doing, how I felt. I also spent a fair amount of time requesting the weather hold off until 11am so we could finish the race without rain. I tossed and turned all night, finally calling it quits to sleep at 5:00 am, and started packing and preparing for the race.

Matt and Jaime before the race

We arrived at 6:30am at the course -- it was bustling with activity. Matt took a moment to pump up his tires and mine, and then we walked our bikes to the transition area. Right before entering the transition area, I heard a loud BANG. I was startled a bit, and looked around for the culprit -- who was setting off fireworks this early in the morning? Then a fellow triathlete pointed to my front tire, which had just popped. Oh Boy.

This is where Matt's colleague, Brian, saved the day. An early riser, Brian arrived at 5:50am and was completely ready to race before we even got there. When he saw my tire, he took my bike, told me to finish setting up and went over to the bike shop and began repairs.

I got marked for the race, got and put on my ID chip, and set up my gear, all the while wondering if my tire was fixable, and if I'd really be running this race today. After all, I think I held the record for the most inappropriate bike for racing -- a 1976 Schwinn Varsity -- the original 10-speed bike. The bike itself weighs 42 pounds, compared to a modern racing bike, which weighs around 20 pounds or less.

Luckily, Brian and the Bonzai bike team really hooked me up and my trusty steed was ready to go back to the transition area. I was the only racer that had a kickstand to use in my bike set up -- both useful and comical, under the circumstances. Brian commented that maybe next time I do a tri, I would consider removing the kickstand and LIGHTS in order to reduce my bike's weight.

Kickstand for the win!

Before I knew it, it was time to make our way to the beach for the swim. Matt was in wave 1, Brian in wave 2, and I was in wave 3. We chatted on the beach for a minute, being thankful that the weather was in our favor before we separated and lined up to start. I got to the back of my wave, because I knew swimming wasn't my strong suit and didn't want to be run over by my wave-mates.

The horn sounded. The race began.

The first twenty or so meters, I flat out sprinted in the water -- coming up for air shortly down the course completely spent and nowhere near finished. "Wow," I thought, "I really need to pace myself." I used Sam's tip and flipped onto my back and began backstroking through the water, alternating occasionally between that and the breast stroke to ensure I was headed in the right direction. After an eternity, I finally made it to the first buoy.

I flipped on my back, and began backstroking with a vengeance, surprised that no one was hitting me as I swam. Then I heard someone yell, "Where are you going?" I flipped around, and there was one of the lifeguards next to me on a surfboard. She asked again, "Where are you going?" I said, "I don't know, where am I?" She said, "You are back at the first buoy. Turn around and you'll see the second buoy." My face must have displayed my defeat, because she said, "Hey, you're fine. Just flip over every few strokes to make sure you are pointed in the right direction. You can do this."

The only bonus to swimming the wrong way was that I was now in a "lane" in the lake almost to myself for most of the rest of the race. By this time, everyone in my wave had passed me, as well as many folks in the waves behind me. But I just kept swimming.

I looked at my watch and realized I would still make the cut off, if only by 10 minutes, so I kept swimming. As I switched from backstroke to breast stroke and back, I noticed one other light blue cap in the water slightly behind me. Someone else from my wave was still in the water! My mission for the rest of the swim was just to stay in front of that person. If I could get through the swim before them, I wouldn't be dead last in my age group!

Twenty-seven long minutes after I started, I ran out of the lake and up onto the beach to the yelling and cheers of the crowd. I did a slow jog through the beach area, up the stairs and to my bike. My bike had no water bottle rack, and I never did anything about that before the race, so I was going into the seventeen mile bike ride with no access to water. I spent a minute in the transition area chugging a whole bottle of water so I wouldn't get too dehydrated on the bike.

The first hill wasn't so bad, and the first downhill was so fast, I braked a lot -- I was nervous I'd wipe out and disqualify myself from the race. Much of the race I did by myself -- I didn't have a lot of racers near me. In the first half hour on the bike, I saw all the elite athletes whip by me in the opposite direction. It was funny, because they sounded different -- their bikes whooshed by, while mine creaked through the course.

Without any navigation aids or mileage clocks, just a watch, I really didn't know how far I was into the race. I did the first turn and then the second, and just plodded through the course. About a half hour into the bike, I thought to myself, I am actually going to finish this. This is hard, but doable, and I'll finish this race. I passed a few people as I was riding, and to every one I said, "We're doing this!"

A hour and thirty-two minutes after I started, I was back in the transition area, kick-standing my bike, throwing off my helmet and running on to the course. My legs were beat from the bike, but I kept plodding along at a slow and steady pace. A woman came up from behind and before passing me said, "You are my inspiration -- you are a work horse -- I know you'll finish this race." That comment literally got me through the next three miles.

I saw Brian heading into the finish line as I was heading out onto the course and shouted a "Great Job!" to him. A mile into the course, I saw Matt -- we did our exploding fist pound, which made me smile like a loon for the next stretch of road. I yelled out "Great Job!" to everyone I passed and to those who passed me. I made a goal when I started the run to finish in forty minutes, and I kept track on my watch as I hit the 1 mile, the half way point, and the 2 mile to see if I was staying on target. The last mile was brutal -- the sun had come out, so it was finally hot out. My legs were spent and the hills just didn't stop. I alternated between a fast walk and a slow jog.

I looked down at my watch and saw that I had 4 minutes to make it to the finish line to make my time and started jogging again. As I hit the final stretch almost three hours before I began, the cowbells and shouts began.

Forty minutes after I started the run, and two hours and forty eight minutes after the starting horn went off, I crossed the finish line.

At a birthday dinner I was at last Friday, the guest of honor shared a story she learned from her father. His advice was, "If you are at a crossroads and can't decide which option to take, go with the bolder one. You'll never regret it."

I am so glad that I overcame my fears and chose to run this race. It doesn't matter how fast or slow you are, how prepared, or even how good your gear is. We are all greater, stronger, better, and wiser than we think we are.

Take a chance. Take the bold road. You won't regret it.

Flagging Yourself for Success

-By Jaime Willis

I recently read an article about a great student intervention plan a teacher implemented in her classroom last year called "Flagged for Success."

As an 11th grade English teacher, I used to get frustrated at interim time because I would go through my grade book, calculate the grades, and realize for the first time that a student was struggling. By then, five weeks into the nine-week marking period, it was almost too late for me to intervene. The students who struggled spectacularly were easy to spot, but it always distressed me to realize that other students were also slipping through the cracks.
 ...
So I looked at how I tracked student progress to see how I could sift through all the information and turn it into early warning signals that would enable me to intervene in time. I wanted various objective flags that would enable me to consistently give all my students the support they needed. For example, I decided that any student who earned less than 75 percent or missed more than one-fourth of the questions on a quiz would need additional support. Once a student triggered a red flag, he or she would immediately go into the intervention cycle and receive progressively more intensive interventions until he or she moved above my mastery thresholds. Once a student was back on the path, that student could exit the intervention cycle.

What I love about Robyn's plan is that she picked a target to flag students far before they were failing her class and had a series of interventions in place to immediately begin working with her students to ensure they stayed about her 'red flag' line.

If you read the entire article linked above, you'll read how her intervention system worked on three different students in her classroom that year -- very cool results!

Robyn gives some tips for establishing red flags:

Red flags should be unambiguous.  You don't want to have to make a 'game time' decision of what a red flag is -- you want to be able to decide quickly when a red flag has been triggered.


Red flags should be hard to ignore. Established a sign that is hard to miss.


Red flags should trigger action. Once you see a red flag, you should not have to figure out what steps you are going to take next, but have interventions already in mind to get back on track.

For any goal we are working on, wouldn't it be great to have already defined some "red flags" for success?  Although this is a GREAT system for the classroom, I can see it used in all kinds of goals.

For example, what would a Red Flag of Success be for your weight loss goal?

One red flag for me is when I start wearing the "fat" jeans -- the jeans I go to when my regular jeans start to get snug.  Wearing the "fat" jeans is a clear signal to me that I am off track on my weight loss goals.  My intervention could be something like eating a go-to "good" meal for my next meal or fitting in 30 minutes of exercise that day, or starting up my food journal again.

How could you Red Flag your own goals for success? 

The Blended Life

-by Matt Leedham

Coaching entrepreneurs is exciting work, particularly when there is a new idea taking off or the business is growing. Inevitably, though, the topic of work/life balance comes up. Without fail, this will be discussed in the first few sessions with a new client.

Understandably, this is a concern for a business owner. They have clients, vendors, employees, spouses, children, pets, homes, cars, health concerns, friends, parents, and siblings to worry about. That’s a lot of plates to be spinning. How is it possible to balance it all?

Answer: It’s NOT!

Balance for an entrepreneur is overrated and unrealistic. Rather, a blended life where are all responsibilities and relationships are integrated with each other is the key.

How do you create a The Blended Life without alienating your family and friends or your employees and clients?

Step 1: Awareness
Analyze the situation. Jot down all of your roles in life (e.g. friend, mother, father, boss, CEO, visionary, etc.). Continue to write down the responsibilities of each role. Then start to formulate thoughts around how you can blend these things together, particularly where they overlap.

Step 2: Communication
Once you’ve identified all of your roles and key stakeholders, it’s time to reach out. With a humble heart, you are asking for help and support. You will communicate your different roles and how integration in your life is a priority. You may even ask for suggestions on how you can better integrate all that is important to you.

Step 3: Execution
With your spouse, children, and employees, it is critical that you build in a rhythm of communication and collaboration. The successful execution of your integration plan depends upon this. Keeping everyone informed and part of the process will yield buy-in and engagement.

As you integrate your priorities, you will begin to see “cross-functional” support for your goals. Your employees will cheer you on as you tackle personal goals. And your family and friends will cheer you on as you take on big business opportunities.

With support coming from all around you, you will now begin to see that being an entrepreneur isn’t a job, it’s who you are. It permeates all that you do and touches everyone around you.

Weekly Wednesday Inspiration #27

-by Jaime Willis

As you may know, Matt and I committed to running a triathlon several months ago. Last week, two of the folks we were supposed to be running with dropped out. I have not been as diligent in my training as I could be, and Matt and I were discussing whether or not I should go to Luray this weekend or just wait and train better for the next one.

Even if I "fail" (which to me means I cannot finish the race -- either because I get swept off the course for time, am injured, or my bike breaks), I want to be able to say that I tried. And if I don't "fail," that will be one more chink in my armor of "look what happens when you don't stand in your own way."

This photo below is pretty appropriate, so I thought I'd share it for my Wednesday Inspiration.

I'm taking a chance on this triathlon this weekend. I'll report back, good or bad, next week. Wish me luck.

Your Energy Options

-By Jaime Willis

Matt and I are very excited to let you know that we are both now certified to administer and debrief the Energy Leadership Index Assessment (ELI). If you are interested in taking an ELI and want more information about pricing, please email us.

The ELI Assessment isn't like other corporate assessments (Myers-Briggs, DISC, Kolbe), in that it is an attitudinal assessment, not a personality one. When you get your Myers-Briggs, DISC, or Kolbe results, those results are yours for life, and your job is learn to work with your personality instead of against it to get what you want out of your life.

By measuring your attitude, energy, and level of consciousness, the ELI really allows you to understand your leadership potential, your personal satisfaction, and your awareness at the time you take the test. When you get your results back, Matt & I provide you with a full debrief of where your energy is currently. If you'd like to improve that energy, we can help you do that too.

Someone was asking me the other day to explain the levels of energy in more detail, so I came up with this analogy. Imagine you are going through your day, and your energy level is equivalent to the amount of light you have available to you. Let's look at how much light you'd have at each level of energy.

If you are operating with level one energy, your flashlight would be so dim, it would be hard to see anything, even things that were directly in front of you. As you go through your day, everything would seem harder – you would struggle to just make your way through the tasks required of you. You may see other people’s flashlights shine brighter and be sad that you got stuck with such a dim flashlight – bad things like this always seem to happen to you. You may blame yourself for getting such a crappy flashlight.

If you are operating with level two energy, your flashlight would be slightly brighter, but would occasionally blink on and off and may fluctuate between really dim and slightly brighter. Trying to get anything done with your flashlight would be infuriating, as you never felt like you could count on your flashlight to produce light when you most needed it. If you saw someone else with a bright flashlight, you’d be angry, wondering why they got a better working flashlight than yours. You may wonder who has it in for you, giving you such a crappy flashlight.

If you are operating with level three energy, your flashlight would be bright enough to light your path a few feet in front of you. You’d be happy to have a working flashlight, and go through your tasks with relative ease. But you might wonder what your life would be like if you could see even further with your flashlight. You may feel like you are just settling for what’s right in front of you instead of exploring the whole world around you.

If you are operating with level four energy, your light is a lantern – you can light up an entire room with your energy. You use your lantern to help light up the room for those you care about – you may provide light at your office and light up a common room in your house for your coworkers and family. Sometimes, you may wish that you could turn off your light and get some sleep, but you want to make sure that everyone who needs to use the light can, so you stay up until everyone else is done using your lantern. You feel great about being able to help light people’s way every day.

If you are operating with level five energy, your light is a huge spotlight. You can see the path in front of you for miles, and you are excited about traveling towards your destiny. You can see challenges in the path ahead, but your light gives you the opportunity to make the best of the difficult path. You are happy to help others and providing them light, so long as it doesn’t distract from your path in life. Lots of people begin following you, as your spotlight makes you a natural leader on your journey.

If you are operating with level six energy, your light is powered by a solar panel array. You can synthesize light from all different sources and use that to power your flashlight. If the day is cloudy, and you aren’t getting much light from your flashlight, you just appreciate the experience of living life in dim light. When your light is fully charged and bright, you appreciate the experience of living in complete brightness. You enjoy whoever and whatever comes your way, and are completely happy with the ups and downs of your flashlight’s light.

If you are operating with level seven energy, your light is as bright as a sun. Your light is literally exploding with creation as your sunlight lights the entire world around you. You are able to enjoy every single person and experience that is awash in your light, but may find it difficult to connect to individuals on a personal level, as your light is almost too bright for one person alone to experience.


In reality, you are going to fluctuate between each of these levels all day long. The idea is that if you would be happier operating at a higher energy level, what things in your life and more specifically, in your attitude and awareness can you change to make operating at a higher energy level easier for you?

The Inner Voice

-by Matt Leedham

What’s your inner voice telling you write now? Just stop and close your eyes for a minute. What’s going on up there?

It amazes me that we all have that inner voice in our minds, constantly talking to us or about us. It goes on and on about this and that. We daydream with it, we rationalize with it, we are creative with it, and often times we let it get a little (or a lot) out of control.

I’ve been trying to keep an eye on my inner voice over the last year because I’ve finally recognized the power it holds over me, both positive and negative. There are a couple of good examples of this.

Try to close your eyes and be still, in the moment, focusing on nothing but where you are. If you must focus on something, try focusing on your breath. How many minutes can you go without a random thought popping into your head? If you’re like most people, the answer is zero. How many seconds did you did go before a thought popped in your head? If your answer is more than 10 seconds, I’m impressed. You may be the next zen master. (With practice, of course, you can increase your capacity for focus)

If you meditate regularly, you know what I’m talking about here. The inner voice runs rampant. I once heard our minds described as an adolescent child after 3 candy bars. Our thoughts bounce off the walls in no particular direction. Without observation and awareness, our thoughts are completely out of control.

There are a couple of reasons why this should not be taken lightly.

1. Imagine for a moment what would be possible if you were able to harness all of your thoughts toward an outcome or a goal. Imagine if you were able to remove all the white noise and focus on your passion at work, or your relationships, or being creative.
2. If we do not assume control, our thoughts will assume control. That’s when the Inner Critic usually appears and holds us back from accomplishing great things.

The Inner Critic

We’re all familiar with this guy. It’s the inner critic. There are many names for this ugly voice inside our heads. It may be known as The Gremlin, The Heckler, or The Imposter. Or you may have given it your own name as a way of addressing it.

Seth Godin summed it up nicely is a recent post. He calls it The Heckler.

The heckler keeps a running critique going, amplifying its tone and anger as it goes on endlessly about all the things we shouldn't do, all the things we're not doing enough, and most of all, at our lack of entitlement to do much of anything new or important.

The heckler cannot be eliminated. It's been around since the beginning of our species, and we're hard wired to have it.

What can be done, though, is alter how the rest of the brain reacts or responds to the heckling.

If you engage with the heckler, if you qualify yourself, justify yourself or worst of all, rationalize yourself, the heckler will pounce, turning a small wedge into a giant hole. Like a standup comedian, it's almost impossible to outwit or shut down a dedicated heckler.

In my coaching certification program, we call it The Gremlin.

It’s the ugly, little, annoying voice in our heads telling us that we “can’t.” It usually comes in the form of a statement that we keep replaying over and over again in our heads like a tape-recorded message. The Gremlin stems from the concept of “I’m not good enough.” You’ll hear it all the time in what appear to be rational, logical explanations of why someone can’t do something. Have you ever heard (or said) and of these statements:

• I don’t have the right education…
• I don’t know the right people…
• I don’t have enough money…

These are all forms of “I’m not good enough.” It may be a true fact that you need a certain degree to do what you want to do, but don’t let that hold you back. Of course you don’t have enough money. Who does? Do it anyway.

Another form of the inner critic within us is The Imposter. I wrote about this last month, but it’s worth mentioning again:

The imposter syndrome, sometimes called imposter phenomenon or fraud syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments…

Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserved the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. (Wikipedia)

The Response

Many of you are probably wondering what to do about the Inner Critic, or how to gain more control over your inner voice. The first step is awareness. Be conscious of what is going on in your mind. Be aware of your thoughts, as fleeting as some of them might be. Once you recognize your thoughts, simply do nothing else. As Seth says toward the end of his article, a proper response to The Heckler is, “noted.” That’s all. Just be present with the thought or the critique, note it, and move on.

If you are new to this, just stay with the first step. This is plenty to chew on. More advanced strategies will be discussed in an upcoming post.

Until next time!