TGIF: Paul Carrick Brunson

Happy New Years Eve y'all! We wanted to kick off 2011 right with a TGIF interview of one of the most successful guys we know -- our friend and former business partner, Paul Carrick Brunson. If your goal is to be in a successful, healthy relationship this time next year, this is a man you NEED to know. He's a new dad (congrats!), so be sure to follow him on twitter to get the latest relationship advice as well as adorable pictures of baby Kingston. He hosts a weekly round of matchmaking (follow twitter hashtag #MDMW) and also flow dating (speed dating with a twist) events quarterly around the United States.

Need more inspiration? Read all of our TGIF interviews here.

Paul Carrick Brunson, also known as "The Real Hitch" and "The Modern Day Matchmaker." For the past ten years, I have played matchmaker and relationship coach to various friends and family members. After numerous successes in helping those close to me find happy and long-lasting relationships, I decided to turn my hobby into a full-fledged business.

Unlike many other relationship coaches and matchmakers who are single, I have been happily married to my beautiful wife for eight years. Not only does my knowledge of what it takes to have a happy marriage influence my matchmaking, but I'm also able to leverage my professional network to enhance the matches of my clients. Like all of my clients, I consider myself to be cultured, well-traveled, and well-educated--I hold a graduate degree from Georgetown's McDonough School of Business and am a certified life and relationship coach. My professional career started as an investment banker and most recently included a senior position with a top international investment firm.

You can find me online on my website and on Facebook, Twitter (@onedegreefromme), and YouTube.

My goal was to sign a television/talent deal with a top production company, which I achieved within six months of setting my goal with arguably the top production company in the world.

I chose this goal because it was Big, Hairy, and Audacious (shoutout to Jim Collins' fans). I'm hyper competitive, so I needed a target that appeared to be out of reach.

The first step I took was to [speak] the fact that I would achieve this goal into existence.

The top obstacle is the "hater" - who I have realized is someone that truly adores you but is simply intimidated. I have had MANY of these in my lifetime. My outlook on how to deal with the hater is this: it is all well and good if your "hater" is attempting to bemuse you from the sidelines, but the moment they step in your way, run them over!

I have never had an issue with motivation. It's internal for me--perhaps it's the Jamaican in me.

Family and friends...everyone in my 'circle' tirelessly helps me. I believe that we are the average of the closest people to us. Something I learned a long time ago is that it is critical to surround yourself with people much smarter than you are.

My wife took a picture of me signing the deal, I smiled, and then started working on my next goal!

Screw what everyone else thinks. If you believe in it, relentlessly pursue it.

Currently I am working on writing and publishing a New York Times Bestselling book by 2012.

Passionate People

-by Matt Leedham

This world needs passionate people doing things they are passionate about.

There are people all around us that are doing what they are passionate about and living their “why”…and it’s making this world a better place.

Many of these people did not stumble upon this passion and uncover their purpose by accident. Typically it’s the result of much reflection, hard work, and planning. Many times, it starts with setting a simple goal.

I got to thinking about this the other day when my brother told me about his dentist. He told me how this guy was “the best” and he recommends him to everyone. Curiously, I asked him why? What has elicited this emotional reaction about this particular dentist? My brother told me when he first walked into the dental practice he signed in and took a seat. He looked around and saw all sorts of interesting paintings, diagrams, tools, and artifacts dating back years and sometimes centuries – all things related to the origins of dentistry. Although alarming at first (I mean, who likes to see primitive oral tools in a dentist’s office?), he quickly understood when he met the doctor. He lives and breathes dentistry. He’ll talk at length about the history of his profession and what amazing technological advances they’ve made. He really cares, is passionate, and it’s oozing out of him. And it all started with an idea, a spark of inspiration, an interest and desire to learn more, and finally a plan to explore it further and go for it.

This got me thinking about other people I encounter regularly. Other people that are clearly doing what they are meant to do. They do what they are passionate about every day and literally make other peoples’ lives better. I started jotting down the names of a barber, a doctor, a deli-sandwich maker, an ice cream server, and a bartender – all of whom I have encountered recently and have amazed me. And then over dinner last night, the most obvious example smacked me right in the forehead.

My wife is exploring a passion that has been welling up inside of her this past year. She told me that she wanted to go back to school to learn about child psychology. That would be quite the career change (from multi-cultural marketing), so I suggested that she spend some time volunteering with kids in her spare time. That quickly morphed into a more-than-part-time gig at an afterschool program working with immigrant youth. I knew that even though she is working two jobs (one of which she is the co-owner of the company), she is loving her work with these kids and that one day, she’ll be doing it full time. Over dinner last night, she said to me, “I think these kids are my therapy. I told them today that there is nothing I’d rather being doing right now than sitting here, talking with them, and doing this puzzle.”

I have to be honest, this amazes me. Since I do not have this capacity to work with kids in this way, it’s literally mind-blowing to me. I don’t think my wife understands what I mean when I say that I am as amazed by the technical skill and knowledge of astronauts, as I am by what she can do with kids.

That’s the difference. That’s what matters. Passionate people doing things they are passionate about.

I truly believe by virtue of being here…of living…you are a passionate person. Now that we agree on that, it’s time to figure what you’re passionate about so you can go make this world a better place.

Building Your Network

- by Jaime Willis

"Anything that is worth having is worth asking for." - Melba Colgrove

Last December, I decided that one of my goals for 2010 was to lose weight. My goal was SMART - lose 60 pounds by my birthday in August. My goal was aligned with my core values and personal vision. Having lost (and gained) lots of weight over the years, I have a pretty good scientific understanding of what it would take for me to lose the weight (move more, eat less, eat better).

But, I knew I would need accountability to stick with my goal and I wanted a coach to help me learn more about strength training and toning, something I didn't know a lot about. This is the point where a lot of people derail in their goal-getting. They have strong goals, they even have a good idea of what it will take to accomplish it, but they don't properly activate their network.

How can you activate your own network to help you reach your goals?

Tell people your goal.

Really, it is that simple. Tell people what you are trying to accomplish. Tell lots of people. In my case, I started in December, before I had even started my weight loss goal, that I was going to be "frolicking" in 2010. (I say frolic, not diet, because I know that successful weight loss isn't a temporary state of mind, but a "Food Related Lifestyle Choice" - FRLC, pronounced frolic.) I told my co-workers. I told my friends. I told my family. I told people who I knew would be supportive of my goal and would help keep me accountable to starting (and finishing) my goal.

Ask for specific help.

I knew I wanted to get serious about exercise and I chose to use a personal trainer. I set aside some of my income to pay for a trainer ahead of time, I researched online about what sort of things I wanted out of a trainer, and then I asked my network to tell me about their experiences with personal trainers.

Plenty of people have varied and conflicting advice about losing weight. By asking my network for specific advice, I was able to get the exact kind of help I needed to achieve my goal. A friend and co-worker recommended a trainer she knew. I met with the trainer, and he has been working with me ever since. And, I even got a discounted rate because I was referred by a friend!

Asking for specific help ensures a better response. A friend of mine recently asked her entire facebook audience if they wanted to buy her Chicago condo. While it is unlikely that there was a condo-buyer in the audience, I bet there were a lot of people who could have helped in other ways. (Find a successful Chicago real-estate agent. Find someone who can offer advice about staging homes. Find someone who knows how to market the property best. Find someone who knows about becoming a landlord and renting out the condo until the housing market improves). If you aren't getting the result you'd hoped for, try asking a slightly different question.

Don't be afraid to seek assistance.

Here's the thing about networks -- a great network is a diverse network. It's pretty likely that most of your closest friends are similar to you -- they went to similar schools, had similar upbringings, do similar jobs, etc. You want to reach beyond the comfort of your immediate circle and to people who know people you wouldn't otherwise have access to. This is why I made sure to tell my coworkers about my weight loss goal. My office is fairly big, and we are pretty diverse in age, geography, educational experiences, etc. If I had just told my friends about my goal, I would not have the trainer I use today. I had to reach out to a diverse group of people to get my desired result.

Matt and I have been asking some big name folks to do interviews for our TGIF interview series on Fridays. At first, I was a bit scared to ask people way WAY outside of my network to do an interview. But we've had great responses from everyone we've asked so far! These responses have allowed me to feel more comfortable asking others to contribute. (If you want to do an TGIF interview, email me!)

Just do it!

I cannot stress enough how important it is to reach out to others when trying to achieve a goal. You will be flabbergasted at how "lucky" you are when you do so. Whenever I ask, people seem to have just the right connection I need to make, even when it seems like the people I told would have no experience or expertise in the area I am seeking help.

For example, when Matt recently threw down the goal gauntlet and decided to begin learning Korean, he had no idea that I have free access to Rosetta Stone that he can use to aid him in his goal. Another friend of mine began teaching a college course on communications and did not know that I had recently written a chapter of a curriculum on non-verbal communication that I was able to share with him.

The New Year is just a few days away--start networking now!

Bad Days

-by Matt Leedham

I have to be honest. I’m a little surprised you’re even reading this post right now because I could barely get out of bed to write it. Yesterday I developed a fever that spiked at 102.5 degrees and after hardly moving all day, I popped some Nyquil before going to bed at 9pm. I woke up this morning, still battling a fever, but feeling a little bit better and am willing myself to write this.

What do you do with bad days? Like yesterday, sometimes they knock you on your butt. Other days aren’t quite as bad. Sometimes you are ill. Sometimes you are blue. Sometimes you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Sometimes you receive news that isn’t so great, and sometimes people do things that aren’t so great. And sometimes your motivation meter is registering low.

Speaking from experience, one bad day can snowball into multiple days, a week, and sometimes get you completely off track. When you have big plans to achieve big goals, these disruptions can be devastating.

Here are some tips to get back on track:

1. Be honest with yourself. Recognize and acknowledge what is happening. Many times, this alone will end the vicious cycle.
2. Make a plan for tomorrow. Jot down your ideal day for what tomorrow will look like. Review it before you go to bed and prime yourself to succeed when you wake up.
3. Talk to someone. I find that just being honest with someone else about how you feel reduces the perceived size and importance of what’s holding you back.
4. Re-center yourself. Whether you meditate, pray, exercise, or do yoga, spend some time bringing yourself back to center. For me, a simple 5-minute breathing exercise is enough to ground me and bring clarity to the day.
5. Write and write often. If you don’t already have an outlet for writing, consider journaling or blogging. This can be done in many ways. For example, I have committed to keeping a gratitude journal in 2011. I plan to jot down 3-5 things I am thankful for each day. If you’re just getting started, start with one thing a day and go from there.

For more tips on overcoming material and emotional obstacles, join us for our special New Year’s Resolution Workshop on January 8, 2011. You can sign up here, and use the coupon code “GoalGift” to take 60% off the registration fee!

Be About It

- by Jaime Willis

"Don't talk about it, be about it."

I spent most of last week in Michigan enjoying the holidays with my family. Before I left yesterday to fly home, I spent some time at the hospital with my Grandpa, who was admitted earlier in the week for surgery to help alleviate some of the intense pain he has been living with over the past several weeks and months.

Grandpa was doing much better when I visited him, which was definitely a great way to end my visit. I had to chuckle to myself, though, when I read the "family notes" on Grandpa's whiteboard. "Don't talk about it, be about it," wrote my cousin. Even at 81, Grandpa can certainly use the motivation to keep fighting against the cancer that is ravaging his body.

Just like Grandpa, you can also "be about it." See if any of the below statements resonate with you.

I'm not sure what I want to "be about."

Are you having trouble seeing beyond your daily challenges and circumstances? Do you know that you aren't living the life you want, but aren't sure what you do want?

Focus on discovering your core values. When you can define what values are most critical to you and prioritize those values, figuring out what you want to do in your life becomes a much simpler process.

I just want to be happy.

You may already know what is important to you and know how you want to feel, but you don't have any idea of how to get there.

Focus on creating a vision for your future. We encourage our clients to write down an incredibly detailed 'painted picture' of your life three years from now. Starting with how you want to feel in the future, figure out what relationships, experiences, career paths, etc. will help you achieve those feelings.

I already have a goal (or several) in mind.

You can't "be about" your goals until your goals are SMART. There is a big difference between 'wanting to lose weight' and 'I will lose 20 pounds and 2% body fat by June 30, 2011."

Your goals should be Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Time-Bound (SMART). SMART goals give you a clear win and will allow you to start planning your route to that win.

I can't "be about it" because I don't have (time/money/support/courage).

You aren't alone! Lots of people fail to achieve their goals because of what they perceive as lack of resources.

In our class, we talk about the importance of priming yourself to succeed. We know you need to be emotionally ready to tackle the challenges you'll face in achieving your goals. We also talk about how to easily either get the resources you need to make your goal happen or work around the lack of resources. For our goal-getters, no challenge is too big to surmount!

I need help.

Well, you aren't the only one. We *all* need help in achieving our goals. Matt and I started Velocity because we wanted the opportunity to help people like you achieve your dreams.

We would love to have you join us at our upcoming workshop in Washington, DC on Saturday, January 8th, 2011. Sign up now using the coupon code "Goalgift" for 60% off our normal course tuition!

No matter where you are in achieving your personal goals, we know you can be successful! Join my Grandpa and "Don't talk about it, BE about it!"

TGIF: on vacation

Merry Christmas Eve everyone!

TGIF is on haitus this week as we take time off to celebrate the holidays. Matt and I hope you have a wonderful weekend! We'll see you back here on Monday ready to rock!

A Big New Goal

- by Matt Leedham

Last night my brother and I were driving to Yechon in Annandale to have dinner with my wife’s cousins, who have quickly adopted me as one of their own (shout out to the Chungs, the Kimms, the Paes and Mr. Park!). My brother looked at me and said, “so, have you ever thought about learning Korean?”

I really wished he hadn’t asked that. The truth is, yes I have thought about it. And yes, it’s on my 101 list (similar to a bucket list but without the morbid reference). Until that moment, I had successfully tucked the goal of learning Korean deep down into oblivion. I want to learn Korean, but the thought of what it would take to do so makes me quickly focus on other goals in my life.

But it’s time to walk the walk on this one. I can’t honestly write, coach, and teach about achieving difficult goals if I’m not going to get out there and practice what I preach. In fact, just two days ago, I wrote about The Biggest Loser and how the successful competitors are able to shift the context to something bigger than themselves. They are able to focus on “the why” of the goal – the real reason you are committed to something.

So here we go…

(A Big New Goal)

The Goal: Be conversational in Korean by October 1, 2011. Conversational = Ability to greet, chit chat, order food, and ask/understand/answer basic questions.

The Why: 1) It would mean a great deal to me and my wife if I were able to converse more freely with her parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. 2) It would mean a great deal to me and my wife to be able to raise our future children in a bi-lingual household. 3) Learning Korean would allow me to achieve something I have doubted I could achieve for many years. 4) We are planning a 3-week trip to Korea with my in-laws in October 2011, which would be a great capstone to a year of learning the language.

Material Obstacles: 1) Time. Let’s be honest – I’m going to need a lot of it. But just like anything else, you make time for what’s important. 2) Money. Language software, text books, and courses are not cheap.

Emotional Obstacles: “I’m not good at learning languages.” I studied Spanish for years in high school and college, and am okay on vocabulary and basic conversational stuff, but never really picked up proper grammar (which is very similar to English, so I’m not sure what that says about me…). Negative self-talk will not help, but I’m going to need some cheerleaders in my corner to make it through this.

Resources: My resources seem endless on support – I’ve got at least 10 family members that will help me along. I’ve got a wife that will happily talk to me in Korean as much as I want (and endlessly watch Korean movies and dramas with me should that be helpful). However, resources in language instruction seem limited. I do have an old text book that was given to me by an owner of a language center in DC. I’ll have to reach out to my network on this.

Network: My network is fairly extensive, but not among language instructors. From what I can gather from 6 years of knowing my father-in-law, the Korean community stays well connected. Whatever I ask of him (e.g. a handyman, a mechanic, a doctor, a hot air balloon driver in Alaska), he always seems to “have a guy.” He always knows someone with that specific expertise. So, perhaps I just need to reach out.

That’s it. I’m doing it. I’ve said it.

Can you help me?

New Year, New You?

- by Jaime Willis

"When you are finished changing, you're finished." - Benjamin Franklin

I was browsing through my facebook feed the other day and one of my friends had written this as her status update, "No New Year's Resolutions for me - I like me just the way I am."

First, I applaud my friend for her healthy self image - that's a huge accomplishment that many of us struggle our whole lives with. But, I think she may have missed the point of New Year's resolutions. Resolutions don't have to be about dissatisfaction with your life, although a lot of common resolutions certainly are: losing weight, quitting smoking, etc.

Resolutions can also be goals that help you continue to grow and learn. In 2011, I am resolving to visit two countries and two U.S. States I've never been to before. That goal is not about any deficiency in my life, it's about experiencing new things and seeing the world, one of my own personal core values.

The New Year is a great time to reflect on both what you don't want in your life (extra weight) and where you do want to go in your life (e.g. travel, school, promotion, family, etc.)

I hope you take the time in the coming days to reflect on both! And, if you want help in creating or executing your goals, sign up for our New Year's Resolution Workshop Extravaganza on January 8th in downtown DC for just $20. Sign up now!

The Biggest Loser

- by Matt Leedham

Last week, the live finale of The Biggest Loser was on NBC and I just couldn’t change the channel. In fact, whenever it’s on, I just seem to get sucked in. It got me thinking…

I think the program “The Biggest Loser” is popular because obesity is an issue that far too many people face in America. Many viewers can connect and relate to the competitors on the show. However, while my weight fluctuates daily, weekly, and monthly too, the real reason I watch the biggest loser is for the mental victories.

Without exception, the contestants on the show, and those that are currently overweight, are dealing with mental and emotional obstacles that seem overwhelming. What makes the show so interesting to me is the break-through moments, the awakenings, the paradigm shifts in the minds of those battling with a variety of tragedies and insecurities. Let’s face it, Jillian and Bob aren’t the world’s best trainers. They are very good trainers, but they are even better therapists. They help people reconstruct their perception of themselves and the world around them.

Rising to the Top
The show starts with many competitors, but only a handful seem to rise to the top. What separates them from the pack?

They have a purpose. They are fighting for something bigger than themselves. They are fighting for their families, for their children, and for their friends. They realize that they’ve made some mistakes and they owe more to the loved ones in their lives. They have a purpose…a reason to live and survive and contribute. They realize that the world is a better place with them in it. They realize that they have something to offer. They are now aware that they matter.

Are you struggling with a goal? Something you know you need to address but can't seem to get it done? Shift your perspective. Change your context. Start with why. Find your purpose for that goal and focus on that. Be relentless.

Happy Holidays?

- by Jaime Willis

"As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December's bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same."

- Donald E. Westlake

Ah! The holidays are upon us. In DC, students celebrated Friday as their last day of school for two weeks. The stores are packed with last minute shoppers. The roads and skies are full of folks traveling to the next holiday gathering. In all of this hustle and bustle, there are so many reasons to be stressed and upset--traffic is backed up, your flight is delayed, the perfect gift is sold out, your family is hard to handle, the weight is packing back on as fast as your bank account is dwindling, the list goes on. Maybe now is the time to re-frame and prime so you can ENJOY the season.

There are lots of ways to "Etch-a-Sketch" the holiday stress and focus on the positives.

1) Be Thankful. You may be scowling at the thought of having to listen to one more political rant from your Uncle John or pre-emptively popping the tylenol because your sister's kids have only one setting: LOUD. Instead, be thankful. Be thankful that your family is alive right now to bother you. Be thankful you live in a country where political ranting is protected speech (at least protected under the law--Uncle John may still get a biscuit thrown at his head!) Enjoy their quirkiness. Another blogger I read recently wrote her mantra is "This. Is. It." This is the only life we have, and this is the only moment that is guaranteed. Enjoy it! (At right is me and my nephew having fun with the camera.)

2) Be Forgiving (and For Giving). I took a supershuttle from the airport 45 minutes to my house last night. Every five minutes, the van spit out a monotonal beeping noise for 30 full seconds warning the driver of some critical required repair. For those of you who know me, beeping noises are my kryptonite. I plugged in my iPod and cranked my music, but I could still hear the beeps throughout the drive. I started crafting my complaint email in my head while deciding how little I would tip the driver for such an awful ride. And then, I stopped. The driver's job is hard enough on a normal day, much less with a full vanload of people during the traffic rush. And, he's had to listen to that beeping not just for one ride, but for the entire day! Putting myself in the driver's shoes allowed me to forgive him for his beeping van and also made me tip him extra for his trouble. Forgiving and giving also helped my own attitude!

3) Be Kind. How quickly we get enraged when a driver cuts us off or the person in front of us in line is insufferably slow. Just as easily, however, we can spread love and joy. Try smiling as you walk down the street, or sincerely wishing the cashier a happy holiday. Try laughing when the wait is long. Try making a silly face at the screaming kid in the restaurant. Being kind boosts your own spirit, but is also contagious. Share the love!

4) Take a Breather. Remember that the holidays are not all about breaking the bank to give the perfect gift or making the perfect dessert or even being the perfect hostess or guest. Take a quiet moment to yourself and just breathe. Being perfect isn't the goal. Enjoy the moment for what it is -- imperfections and all. It is a tradition at our house to enjoy a cup of tea while listening to the story "A Cup of Christmas Tea" after our Christmas brunch.

5) Help Someone Else. I used to watch

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition all the time, and it never failed to make me tear up watching an entire town come together to make a family's dreams come true. I read a story about the show recently that really brought the point home. The night before the family was to come home, there are hundreds of people in the house doing everything from painting to landscaping. Most are volunteers from various local charities. When a young woman from "Make a Wish" sidled up to the production staff in a room, they put her right to work painting. After spending most of the evening working with her, they discovered that the woman wasn't from the "Make a Wish" foundation, but a "Make a Wish" recipient with Stage-4 Leukemia. Even in this young woman's darkest hour, she chose to use her "wish" to help others. We should all make an effort to help someone else -- give your time, your resources, or your money and enjoy the gift of giving. (story hat tip: Reddit)

Happy Holidays!

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In the spirit of the season, we have decided to give as well. On Saturday, January 8, 2011, we are doing a five-hour New Year's Resolution Goal Setting Workshop Extravaganza in Washington DC. And we are doing it for 60% off our normal 3-hour workshop price. There are only 60 seats and at $20/seat, they are going to go quickly, so sign up today!

TGIF: Hanna Taddese

Good morning achievers! Matt and I recently met this week's interviewee at a Seth Godin Linchpin event. What Hanna doesn't say in her interview below is that she is the self-proclaimed "biggest fan" of Seth and his work. We have to say, she's doing some pretty cool things herself! Read on to learn more about her & have a great Friday!

My name is Hanna Tadesse, I am a marketing professional in the DMV. I work for BLEN Corp, a tech company that specializes in application/web development & Visual Communications. I handle the client relations at BLEN, most of the work I do relates to marketing and client outreach. You can learn more about BLEN by visiting our blog at www.blencorp.com/blog and following us on twitter at www.twitter.com/blencorp.

In my free time, I volunteer at a local non-profit organization called Artists for Charity. We host a Benefit annually during AIDS week. Every year I feel overwhelmed and end up stressing out on the logistics of our Holiday Benefit. This year, my goal was to delegate and not stress as much.

This goal was important because I needed to learn not to try and take on too many things at once. Delegating not only reduces my stress, but also helps empower our volunteers. The more our volunteers are involved, the more likely they will be to continue helping us in the future. Retaining volunteers is an organizational challenge at AFC, so the more involved volunteers, the better!
First step was reaching out to friends, family, and folks in my network and asking for help. Working with the founder and other AFC members also helped me, because it solidified the problem or the issue I was trying to address. I no longer felt that I was alone in accomplishing my goal.
Waiting for results was frustrating and could have really hindered me from succeeding. I would wait around for volunteers to organize and mobilize, hoping for a surge of emails. But that didn’t happen. Instead I got incremental success, I kept at it and so did my network.

Consistently taking action and knowing that things won’t happen overnight kept me going.
Everyone in the organization helped as we knew we wouldn’t have a successful Benefit without the help of volunteers. There were no ifs or buts about it.
When we saw how many volunteers turned up we were ecstatic! This served our entire organization and especially myself as a lesson learned--asking for help and continually working towards your goal can really make it happen!
Don’t give up! Also, don’t waste time by trying out too many different methods or tactics. Stick to a few tactics that you think work best, trust them to work out and you will succeed.
Next for AFC is to continue growing our volunteer base and expanding the way we advocate, and educate the public about HIV/AIDS. Two minds are better than one, so we embrace our volunteers & supporters, the more the merrier. You can learn more about volunteering at AFC here.

The Thing About Luck

- by Matt Leedham

So…the thing about luck is…

There is no luck.

Sorry. But luck has nothing to do with success. I’ll admit there’s a little luck involved with winning the lottery, but that’s about it.

I’ve been saying this for years, especially after an old mentor of mine told me that there is no such thing as luck. In fact, I remember him saying that it’s almost insulting when someone says you’re lucky for the position you are in or the opportunities you have. He was right.

Luck = being prepared for opportunity.

Some people walk around with their eyes open. Some people walk around every corner of their lives looking for opportunity with their eyes wide open. Just like in relationships, when your receptors are open, opportunities present themselves. And when you are ready for them, things happen.

Guess what. This isn’t just my brilliant theory. Professor Richard Wiseman is at it again! Check out the psychology of luck, where Prof. Wiseman’s study concludes that “lucky” people tend to employ these four principles:

1. Maximize Chance Opportunities (expand your network and listen more)
2. Listen to Your Gut (hunches are creativity and opportunity speaking to you)
3. Expect Good Fortune (haven’t we mentioned the power of positivity before?)
4. Turn Bad Luck to Good (again, stay positive and keep bad moments in the moment)

So, please don't use luck as an excuse. Other people aren't luckier than you, and you don't have "bad luck." Good things happen and bad things happen. What we do with it is entirely up to us.

Stay open. Stay positive. Expect good things. Put yourself out there. Talk to people. Share. Receive.

Make things happen.

Give it up!

- by Jaime Willis

It is easier to break a bad habit today than tomorrow.

- Yiddish Proverb

We've talked a lot about setting goals and achieving your dreams. But sometimes, this means giving up. Not that kind of giving up! I mean give up your bad habits! Successful people don't have a lot of bad habits, because those unfruitful behaviors only drain their energy and reduce their ability to achieve.

Let's look at some common New Year's Resolutions and see what I mean.

You want to lose weight in 2011? You are probably going to have to give up junk food, late night snacking, heaping scoops of sugar in your coffee, and/or your drive-through "cooking."

You want to travel in 2011? You are probably going to have to give up random days off of work so you have enough vacation time to go on a trip and impulse shopping for yet another purse you don't need as that money should be saved for your travel.

You want to get healthy in 2011? Stop smoking.

You want to have time to work on a new hobby in 2011? You are probably going to have to stop saying "Yes" when anyone asks you to help out so you have some time for yourself and your own goals.

You want to accomplish more in 2011? You may have to give up some sleep & get up earlier or stop procrastinating and start working.

Bad habits sneak up on us all through-out the year. You may have started out 2010 strong, with the best of intentions, but a little slip-up here and a little compromise there and next thing you know your gym regimen is history and your bad eating habits have creeped back in your life.

Make sure your bad habits are NOT invited to come with you into 2011. Start now -- make a goal to give up your bad habit, and make a plan for how you are going to do that. Line up your support network now and make sure everyone knows what you are giving up.

You can do it! Give it up!

Limitations

- by Matt Leedham

“Don’t worry, everything is going to be amazing.” –unknown

I posted the image to the right on our Facebook page yesterday and a few people let me know how much they liked it. It’s simple isn’t it? And powerful. To put a little twist on a fairly common expression.

Why do we put limitations on ourselves? Why do we hope for things to just “be okay?”

In our goal-setting workshop this past Saturday, Jaime asked a question you may have heard before, “What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t fail?” In other words, if you removed all of the self-imposed limitations and all of the pre-conceived definitions of what you think you should or could be, what would you do? If you shed all the perceptions of obstacles and hurdles and reasons why you can’t, what’s that one special thing in the back of your mind that you would do?

Well, what is it? What would you do? I'm serious. Leave a response below.

Impossible is Nothing

- by Jaime Willis

“Listen to the Mustn’ts, child, listen to the Don’ts.

Listen to the Shouldn’ts, the Impossibles, the Won’ts.

Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me.

Anything can happen, child, Anything can be.”

-Shel Silverstein

We spend an awful lot of time listening to the Mustn'ts and the Don'ts, the Shouldn'ts and the Impossibles. Whether they come from others or from a scared voice inside ourselves, the only Can't you should listen to is the voice that says, "You Can't Stop! You Can't Fail!"

A very talented friend of mine sold a screenplay a few years ago. Not well-versed in the ways of Hollywood, I didn't realize that selling your screenplay, which is a huge accomplishment in and of itself, is actually just one small step on the path to getting your movie made. Three years, several options, two directors, and a couple of agents later, the movie still hasn't been made.

In an emotional discussion with his screenwriting partner, my friend wondered why they had been waiting so long for "someone to give them permission to make their movie." They simply needed to raise $50,000 - $150,000 to fund an independent production of the movie themselves.

His colleague balked. Oh, we "just" need raise $150,000, he said. Ha! If that were so easy, everyone would be making a movie. My friend hung up with his partner, but not before asking him again to rethink his Mustn'ts and Impossibles.

A half hour later, his colleague called my friend back. Sheepishly, quietly, the colleague began talking. Um, he said, we've got the funding.

"What?!?" My friend shouted.

Yea, we have $150,000. We're funded.

The guy who just 30 minutes before couldn't believe that fundraising any amount of money for their movie was possible had gotten enough of a spark, a glimmer, of hope he called a friend of his to talk through the idea. His friend was so enthusiastic, he offered to foot the bill himself. A day later, a family member matched the contribution, so their total production budget is now $300,000.

The guys are now in the enviable position of deciding whether to shoot their movie, a movie that has been sitting on a shelf for THREE years, on an independent film budget or use their existing budget as seed funding to raise the $1.5 million needed for a full-size movie shoot.

And it all began with squashing the Mustn'ts. Squashing the Impossibles. Squashing the Shouldn'ts, Won'ts and Don'ts.

Imagine how much you can get accomplished this week if you give up the your Mustn'ts and even just pretend your goals are possible!

As Jillian Michaels says, "Unless you puke, faint, or die, keep going!"

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ANNOUNCEMENTS

1. Special thanks to everyone who came out to our goal-setting workshop this past weekend and friends of Sam Horn now reading our blog! Matt and I really enjoyed meeting you all and look forward to achieving with you.

2. Have you wanted to come to our class but don't have the money or time to commit right now? Join us this Thursday, December 16th at 6pm at Local 16. Matt and I are hosting a free one-hour happy hour and will answer any and all questions you have about goal setting, our course, and the meaning of life, even! :) Join us!

3. Have you shared Velocity with your friends? Fan us on facebook, follow us on twitter, or sign up for our blog's RSS feed by clicking the "Subscribe Now" button ------> to the right of this post. Matt and I have a goal of hitting 1,000 facebook fans in 2011. We are already 20% there and 2011 hasn't even begun yet! Thanks for helping us achieve our goals.

4. Gentlemen! We are still looking for inspiration for young men. Please email me or comment on this blog post today!

5. Did you see our first TGIF (This Goal Is Finished) interview on Friday? If not, please go check it out! If you would like to be highlighted in an upcoming TGIF interview, contact us for more details.

TGIF Interview with Anthony Fasano

Happy Friday, everyone! Welcome to our new TGIF (This Goal Is Finished) campaign. Each Friday, we will feature a successful achiever and ask them 10 questions about how and why they achieved a goal in their lives. We hope you both enjoy the interview, and learn something new or inspirational to keep you moving toward achieving your own goals. Enjoy!

My name is Anthony Fasano, after 10 yearsin the corporate world as a civil engineer, I realized that I had an ability to inspire professionals and help them and their organizations grow. I decided to follow my dream and use my abilities. I mustered up every ounce of courage that I had and left my job in corporate America this past July and started my own coaching/consulting company, Powerful Purpose Associates. I now coach and speak to professionals around the world on the topics of business and career growth and development. In addition to coaching and speaking, I also write daily inspirational e-mails to professionals worldwide known as a Daily Boost from Your Professional Partner. Feel free to take advantage of the free career resources on our website at http://www.powerfulpurpose.com.

My goal was to start a coaching/consulting company without taking out a loan so I could live my passion on a daily basis.

I chose this goal, because I knew that I had a passion and desire to inspire people and help them grow, and I wanted to use it everyday. I knew that by following my passion, not only would I have the career I always dreamed about, but I would also help other professionals achieve their goals and dreams.

I was sitting on my couch a few years ago, and I looked at my wife and I said, “I want to become a coach.” At that point, I did not know much about executive coaching, nor did she, but she looked back at me and said, if that’s what you want to do, I will support you. I spent the next few days researching different coaching schools and the next weekend I found myself driving up to Massachusetts to start a one year program at the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching. The rest is history!

The biggest obstacle I faced was people telling me that I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

They said I can’t:

• Leave a comfortable job with good benefits,
• Support my family with my own business,
• Find enough companies that would want to hire me,
• Start a business in this economy.

Overcoming these obstacles for me was easy; I just stayed focused on my goal and knew I WOULD ACCOMPLISH IT. The key in achieving a goal is believing you will achieve it, no matter what. I surrounded myself with positive people and read positive books and articles. I also found others that had already achieved a similar goal, asked them a lot of questions, and then followed what they did.

The key to staying motivated was surrounding myself with positive, supportive people that helped me along the way. I also read and listened to positive books and information around personal development and success.

My wife was instrumental in me achieving my goal, because even though she recently lost her job and we have two young kids, she supported me 100% the entire time. Once I had her support, I had no doubt at all that it would happen.

When I accomplished my goal, I celebrated it, I enjoyed it and then started setting new goals. We must continue to grow every day! Although I will say that I still realize the benefits of my goal each and every day as it has allowed me to do what I love to do on a daily basis and I will always remember that journey!

Don’t doubt yourself or put limits on yourself because of what others tell you. You can do anything you want to do, as long as you put your mind to it and stay focused on that goal. ANYTHING!

Currently I am working on growing my business and I have a goal of working towards more inspirational speaking and writing in the future!